trust .

me , myself , & i ; thats all i got in the end .

` can neverrr fully trust NO ONE but YOURSELF .
` theres always SOMETHiNG thats being kept from you . bottom line .
` no matter what anyone says or promises , i can never be too sure or let my guard down .
` we all know what happened last time i let that happen .
` trust NO nigga , fear NO bitch .
` you act like a bitch , you get treated like one .
` theres no such thing as "TRUE LOVE" ; quit searching , you're lying to yourself .
` EASY COME , EASY GO .

-- deuce .

B0$$ $H!T

all i gotta say is...

iM A M0THER FUCKiNG B0$$ B!TCH !!!!

i just wanna press rewind ..

Think and thin, rain or shine , I had your best interest .
Even in the hard times we had hugs and kisses .
Now somewhere along the lines, you started acting different .
I never saw it comin , how could i predict it ?
Lets press pause for a second , why you actin so reckless ?
yer actin like i expected for us to fall out of love .
no relationship skips , lets go back to the beginning ,
lets put this in reverse , gotta make it work ..
lets put the past behind , its time to press rewind .
I couldnt change it , cause i didnt notice ,
i couldnt make it better if you didnt show it .
you used to talk to me , but now you just ignore it .
ignoring is not the thing to do so lets rewind .
take me back to the exact point where i went wrong .
put all this behind , & lets just fucking REWiND .

single thought .

aint no point in feelin' blue ,
you're just like me , & im just like you .

"take me to the store" =)

what a surprise todayyy was..!
i love how i had nothing planned for today, but ended up turning out pretty good..
started off calling joseph in the morning & talkin for a few hours on the phone as soon as i got to mamalous,
hung up, took a nap, called him again, & next thing you know we're chillin at the mall wit Maii & Art ! lol
everything about today was pretty koo... even when i took him to the store. LOL ! =)
no drama, no fighting, nothing but positivityyy .

well... everything was alll good up until the second he stepped outta the car...
thats when i started missin him already & got a call from ateh jessica with her crying about another fight that went on at mamalou's.. something always bad has to happen after having such a bomb ass day.
its very rare for the family to be together as a whole. why must SOMEONE alwayyyyssss feel the need to start shit during those times ?
smh. its sad enough that the family is only together on holidays or wenever mamalou becomes very sick..
im scared to find out how the family really turns out wen mamalou is no longer here to be our glue..

i guess thats all for the night..
although i feel like we've started from the beginning, theres still alot of things i gotta take into consideration & alot of things i gotta think about . especially with that extra variable taking into play... if ya know wut i mean.
but ohhh well... we're both in the same boat, doin the same things, thinkin the same thing, & i know we're feelin the same things too . but if so , why is it so hard still ?
decisions decisions decisions...
things are never gunna be the same.

i haaaaaaaaaatttteeeeee this part right heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrreeeeeee ...

i stayed & waited patiently , only to find im OVER iT

life is fuken great .
i couldnt ask for better .
i'll admit , though things are starting to look up , the single life can be a bit lonley even though it hasnt been that long .
but , on the brighter side , i know i'll always have my true friends throughout everything .
im livin' the goooood life . for nowww ..

too early .

its too early to be up on my day off .
movies wit WiFE B, Karla, & Josh was pretty fun :)
we spent like our whole lives at Urban Outfitters laughing our asses off at the crazy fuken books they have at the store.
hahah, then off to starbucks we wenttttt.
tea for mee ! haha .
then finally THE UNBORN . omg, i was scared .
at least it didnt have a stupid ending . it was better than i expected .
now lunch wit Richard at 12 ! wooo! =]

WTFuhh ?!

man wtf. i fucken HATE little kid ass games!
FUCK WTF !?

hopeful

today was a pretty nice day .
weather wasnt tooooo hot .
gave my speech today, turned out better than i thought it was gunna beeee.
not fights, all nice talks wit joseph :)
gee is finally 21 as of yesterdayyy :)
caught up wit WiFE B these past couple days & im glad we're back on good terms. i missed my funny buddy :)
anywayy.. work til thursdaayy.. but i gotta get that moneeeyyy ! then possibly movies with WiFE B ?
fridayyy is a Lauren & Richard day ! woohoo ! im excited for that !

a new perspective .

all i gotta say is that theres no more turning back from here .
no more running around in circles .
i should know better .
& i do now .

weekend .

had an unexpected, but fun weekend :]
i find that things always turn out best when its not planned .
im gunna take that as a hint ...
thats all for now .

skittles?!

dope as fuckkkk .

Should i give up? or should i just keep chasing pavements even if it leads no where..?

finally spoke to joseph today.
nothing positive came out of it. not a big surprise there though.

i hate how being a girl comes with having so many emotions.
now a days, i find that things that i should be conerned about, i hardly pay attention to,
& things i shouldnt be worried about, get the best of me.
it seems like the more cautious i am about some of my decisions, the more i seem to fuck up even more.
im feeling like i've come to a dead end,
& i honestly am too tired & afraid to turn back & face the problems i have created & come accross.
regardless, whats been done is done & i cant turn back the hands of time.
the persuit of happiness is a long & bumpy road..
but.. imah keep on truckin'...

FRESH .

i deleted all my previous posts because most of them are negative, bad, memories.
therefore, i'd rather not look back on them. its the past for a reason, & im just tryna enjoy what the present has given me so far.
anywayyyy.. so its been about 4 days or so since i've spoken to joseph at all.
i see that hes read my messages on myspace, but never put the effort into replying.
i honestly was going to try & working things out with him & was willing to come to a compromise.
guess he has other things in mind. i must admit, he almosttttt had me for a second there..
i gave in, i almost gave myself away, & i almostttt let my guard down. but, you know what they sayy.. almost doesnt count.
so i guess im thankful, its ended where it has. i'll be honest & say that i do still care, & im not too happy how things turned out;
especially since we didnt even get to talk things out. but though i havent heard one word from him, he's made his point loud & clear. i just want what he wants, because im tired of disagreeing.
as for me, time heals everything eventually. right..?

so, as time passes, i just need to focus on myself & school.
this was just another example of how guys constantly come & go.
it was great while it lasted though.

chuckin' the deuce !