My Forbidden Lover

...came on shuffle on my ipod.
i almost cried ...

dear _____ ,

i hate you .

Happy birthday to mee...

idk if its just me or what...
i feel so shitty right now.. i wanna go to sleep soo badly but i fuken cant.
i dont even wanna be awake right now..
i fuken have friends talkin to me, complaining bout all their fuken problems & shit.. & i fuken listen & help give advice, i cant even get a simple happy birthday cuz ppl are too concerned about their fuken selves. wtf.
not to mention, my "bestfriend", hasnt even called.. i kno only 30 mins has past, but i excpected different from at least HIM of all ppl...
joseph claimed all this shit bout how he loved me, stalked me, all that shit, & already theres someone else?
its like the piggy situation thing all over again.
not even HE thought to wish me a happy birthday either. not even thru text.
my dad was awake 10 mins before it turned midnight, & decided he wanted to go to sleep instead of waiting..
everything has been such a let down lately, i was hoping today would be better, but it already started off horrible..
im not looking forward to today... nothing was planned, nothings going on, i just hate everything right now..
i havent cried in sooo long... i couldnt help but just break down....
i have a chemistry quiz in the morning, a perfect day to have it, on my fuken birthday.
i already feel like my whole day is ruined.. i doubt anything will be better in the morning...
FML.

blahh

i cant fuken sleep !!!
lately ive been able to sleep early without a problem..
but since last night, i havent been able to sleep !!!
FML .
im bored as fuck .

quick thoughts

this is the only way i think is best to go about things.. i really dont kno what the hell i want.. but i'm hopin time fixes everything on its own.. they say that time heals everything. we'll see... i'm just gunna go wit the flow & see wut happens.

"well i guess i'm tryna be nonchalant about it..
cuz i'm goin to extremes to prove i'm fine without you..
but in reality i'm slowly losing my mind,
underneath the disguise & smile, gradually i'm dying inside.
friends ask me how i feel, & i lie convincingly,
cuz i dont want to reveal the fact that i'm suffering.
so i wear my disguise til i go home at night, & turn out all the lights, & then i breakdown & cry..."

i just feel like sleeping alllllll day today & not doing a damn thing... thank god i dont have class tomorrow..
this was a pretty early blog. i might blogg again later tonight. we'll see how i feel..
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Alrightyy.. So i'm layin in bed right now, & i jst thought i'd blog before i went to sleeep.

Today was a typical sunday. Nothin outta the ordinary. Went to china town wit mom, dad, & broskee & had dimsum. Yummm (:
Then walked around for a while.. Broskee & i walked around on our own while mom & dad went their separate waysss. Brandon bought a phone charm that broke like 5 mins after we bought it LOL so we went back & got a different one... Then dad called to meet back up. Dad & bro got a haircut frm sum chinese guy there.. Merrr. Lol but actually, it came out better than every where else they go for haircuts & much cheaper too! Haha.
After that, we walked around sum more, i went crazy in picking like 8 different nail polish colors cuz they were all dollar each! i'm addicted to painting my nailsss! I loveee it... i'd paint them a different color everyday if i wasnt too lazy to wait for them to dry lol... Anywaayy.. So after that, we went to the bakery to buy a birthday cake for stacey since its her bday tomorrow. Then homeee finally! & what else wud i do as soon as i got home?! Yeppp! Took a nice long nap!!! :) hahah
After my nap, i washed all the cars wit daddy. & since then i just been kickin back..

i'm hoping this week passes by fasttt, which i think it will.
Still no plans for my birthday on thursday.. But idk. i'm sure somethin will come up. I hope soo!
If not, its okayy. i'm jst glad i finally got a new phone, cuz god knows i needed it! The other day wen i was reformatting my 2gig micro sd card from my sidekick so i can use it on my blackberry, i used the trackball on my sidekick for the first time since i got my new phone & it moves sooooo slow!! I was like wth?! I guess i never noticed how bad it was cuz i was so use to it... Now i dont have that problem & i'm also use to the smaller keyboard too (:
Not that it took me long.. Haha.

Weeeelll... Tomorrow is lab day in chemistry, so that means i get off at 11:30 instead of 10:30.. Boooo at that. But oh well... Its not like i have anything else better to do.. I need a job!! Sheesh!! If joseph can get one, i kno i can too. Maybe i'm just not trying hard enuff or not being persistent enuff.. -_- ahh.. Whatever. i'll have to work on that. Yes pun intended.

Btw, do ppl still use blogger? I noticed that before i use to blogg more often wen times were shitty & i was down. I always say this, but i think imah start blogging everyday even if its short. its always nice to have SOMETHiNG to look back on. Thats all for tonight...

__ dueces .
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Its been a while since i've blogged on this...
i think i'm gunna start blogging on here again.. Especially since i can do it from my new blackberry! (: yaaayy

Adios mutha fuckaaas !

__deuces
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile