just the other day, i was sittin by the phone waitin for you to call ...
right then, i realized; never deserved for you to use my love & put it on hold ..
never ever thought i'd ever give you up; but i, gotta break the habit, cuz i've had enough..
you know that you did wrong, dont you try to play it off; i'll be gone..
only thing i need to know is: why...?
i wonder why: you never had my back,
& you tried hard to act like you never lied..
when i called you a thousand times, boy you aint right..
& so its time.. that i make a sudden change..
you can wonder why: why the pillow is cold on the other side at night.
i've come to far by now; i dont regret you, but im glad i finally found my way..
now that time has passed, boy, you can see your mistakes..
wish it didnt take for you to lose me to change..
everything is how its supposed to be, they say that time heals everything..
we'll see...
if you ever need a friend in the future, i'll do my best to be there, i wont hurt ya..
just leave the past where it belongs,
& i forgive you, even though you did me wrong ..
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Reminder .
Things to Remember :
remember that today, you feel like crying.
remember that today, you're unbelievably hurt.
remember that today & the past couple weeks, you've cried too many tears & tried too hard.
remember that all your efforts lead to rejection.
remember the piercing feeling in your chest right now.
remember that the piercing feeling in your chest makes it unspeakably hard to breathe.
remember HEARTBREAK.
remember that today, you feel like crying.
remember that today, you're unbelievably hurt.
remember that today & the past couple weeks, you've cried too many tears & tried too hard.
remember that all your efforts lead to rejection.
remember the piercing feeling in your chest right now.
remember that the piercing feeling in your chest makes it unspeakably hard to breathe.
remember HEARTBREAK.
Shattered .
straight from the bottom of my heart .
listen to me, wanna tell you what i feel.. //
i never ever thought i'd be the one to feel those feelings that i never thought i had.. //
cuz everything you felt is never coming back //
my heart's alone out there.. //
i wanna tell you, but i'm too damn scared.. //
theres no return, another lesson learned.. //
& i'm so, so, tired.. //
you use to look at no one else... //
i'm that girl.. that you're tryna put back on the shelf.. //
you never showed me, you never told me, why you.. //
shattered, shattered, shattered my heart.. //
when you broke it, you bought it.. //
why did you break my heart..? //
so listen to me. //
let me tell you what i mean... //
i'm outta time, i'm outta heart, i'm outta me //
i gave up everything i had //
& now i'm living in the past.. //
things got so hot, you were so cold.. //
why cant you see that i got no where left to go..? //
theres no return, another lesson learned.. //
& i just wish you knew that you..//
you were that guy.. //
who always had the words to say.. //
you were that guy.. //
that i thought would never get away.. //
you never showed me, you never told me, why you.. //
shattered, shattered, shattered my heart.. //
when you broke it, you bought it.. //
why did you break my heart..? //
listen to me, wanna tell you what i feel.. //
i never ever thought i'd be the one to feel those feelings that i never thought i had.. //
cuz everything you felt is never coming back //
my heart's alone out there.. //
i wanna tell you, but i'm too damn scared.. //
theres no return, another lesson learned.. //
& i'm so, so, tired.. //
you use to look at no one else... //
i'm that girl.. that you're tryna put back on the shelf.. //
you never showed me, you never told me, why you.. //
shattered, shattered, shattered my heart.. //
when you broke it, you bought it.. //
why did you break my heart..? //
so listen to me. //
let me tell you what i mean... //
i'm outta time, i'm outta heart, i'm outta me //
i gave up everything i had //
& now i'm living in the past.. //
things got so hot, you were so cold.. //
why cant you see that i got no where left to go..? //
theres no return, another lesson learned.. //
& i just wish you knew that you..//
you were that guy.. //
who always had the words to say.. //
you were that guy.. //
that i thought would never get away.. //
you never showed me, you never told me, why you.. //
shattered, shattered, shattered my heart.. //
when you broke it, you bought it.. //
why did you break my heart..? //
Friday, December 4, 2009
unexpected .
today was something different ..
this past week ive been feeling that things btwn you & i havent been the same since thanksgiving.
u claim that there isnt anything different, but i think we both know thats not true.
it is different, & its you.
i did a lot of thinking last night ..
& this morning i woke up feeling different than all the other days this past week ..
all the other days i felt down , needy , & craving for affection ; only to get the opposite from you .
but this morning , i didnt feel that way ..
right before i started to blog , i woke up from a dream filled with emotions that felt so real ..
i dreamt that i started developing feelings for someone else , & was no longer feeling down , needy , & craving for affection cuz i was getting it from "him" & not even realizing it ..
i'm not gunna lie , dreaming about something like that & it feeling so real , scares me .
all my focus has litterally been on us , & betterin things , but for some reason i dont feel the same effort coming from you as i use to .
its ironic how now that i'm trying , yer sitting back .
i'll admit .. u did it for a long time for me .. but i dont kno how long i can last doing what feel like ALONE .
my focus is on YOU . i wanna fix everything before there comes a chance for someone else to interrupt .
i hope my dream wasnt as serious as it feels ...
--- via my Blackberry 8900
this past week ive been feeling that things btwn you & i havent been the same since thanksgiving.
u claim that there isnt anything different, but i think we both know thats not true.
it is different, & its you.
i did a lot of thinking last night ..
& this morning i woke up feeling different than all the other days this past week ..
all the other days i felt down , needy , & craving for affection ; only to get the opposite from you .
but this morning , i didnt feel that way ..
right before i started to blog , i woke up from a dream filled with emotions that felt so real ..
i dreamt that i started developing feelings for someone else , & was no longer feeling down , needy , & craving for affection cuz i was getting it from "him" & not even realizing it ..
i'm not gunna lie , dreaming about something like that & it feeling so real , scares me .
all my focus has litterally been on us , & betterin things , but for some reason i dont feel the same effort coming from you as i use to .
its ironic how now that i'm trying , yer sitting back .
i'll admit .. u did it for a long time for me .. but i dont kno how long i can last doing what feel like ALONE .
my focus is on YOU . i wanna fix everything before there comes a chance for someone else to interrupt .
i hope my dream wasnt as serious as it feels ...
--- via my Blackberry 8900
Thursday, December 3, 2009
blah .
Since u wanna disregard how i feel about things, just because u think i'll eventually get over it, fine. Just remember thats how u wanted things to be, & thats how u treated me when i was tryna change & better things.
the vibes ive been gettin from you discourage me.
all this negativity brings out the worst in me.
im starting to feel like maybe i should think twice about the changes im making before they really start to set in.
it seems as if i have forgotten about what happened when i put myself in this type of position in the past .
i dont wanna go through that , nor do i wanna get close to feeling like that ever again .
now is my time to back off .
i've come far enough . its time you meet me half way .
the vibes ive been gettin from you discourage me.
all this negativity brings out the worst in me.
im starting to feel like maybe i should think twice about the changes im making before they really start to set in.
it seems as if i have forgotten about what happened when i put myself in this type of position in the past .
i dont wanna go through that , nor do i wanna get close to feeling like that ever again .
now is my time to back off .
i've come far enough . its time you meet me half way .
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
another one of those nights .
so again, its just one of those nightsss ..
Seems like now a days yer always "sleepy"..
Theres a slight change in you.. i'm sensing somethin negative in the change..
But idk.. I dont feel like digging into it.
The disappoitment in the obvious is enuff. Finding more disappointment in the hidden isnt what i need right now.
Tomorrow is my first official day at work.
i'm kinda excited. i dont really know wut to expect, so i'm hoping by not having any expectations would be a good thing.
I kinda wanted to talk about my day, about tomorrow, all that good stuff..
But i guess me wanting to talk in the night time all the time is an inconvenience to the person i usually turn to..
To be honest.. These are the times where i really begin to miss certain things.
But i dont feel like getting into that right now..
All i need to worry about is preparing myself for what lies ahead..
I feel something bad coming along. Not soon. But soon enough.
But after, something really good is gunna happen for me.
Just a premonition tho. Could be right, could be wrong.
i'm hoping for the best tho.
I feel like somethings missing but i dont know what it is.
I feel like i'm lacking something that i desparately need right now, but idk wut it is...
I need that someone to show me what i'm missing.
Ugh.
Seems like now a days yer always "sleepy"..
Theres a slight change in you.. i'm sensing somethin negative in the change..
But idk.. I dont feel like digging into it.
The disappoitment in the obvious is enuff. Finding more disappointment in the hidden isnt what i need right now.
Tomorrow is my first official day at work.
i'm kinda excited. i dont really know wut to expect, so i'm hoping by not having any expectations would be a good thing.
I kinda wanted to talk about my day, about tomorrow, all that good stuff..
But i guess me wanting to talk in the night time all the time is an inconvenience to the person i usually turn to..
To be honest.. These are the times where i really begin to miss certain things.
But i dont feel like getting into that right now..
All i need to worry about is preparing myself for what lies ahead..
I feel something bad coming along. Not soon. But soon enough.
But after, something really good is gunna happen for me.
Just a premonition tho. Could be right, could be wrong.
i'm hoping for the best tho.
I feel like somethings missing but i dont know what it is.
I feel like i'm lacking something that i desparately need right now, but idk wut it is...
I need that someone to show me what i'm missing.
Ugh.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
updateeee
Even though ive been home since this afternoon, i still feel like i havent been home in a long time ..
i'm layin in bed wit nothin really to do at the moment , so i decided to blog since i havent in a while ..
Vegas was pretty fun.. i thought it was going to be a lot more fun, but i guess its cuz i had high expectations. Still fun none the less though. The best day was Friday. Ate wingstop, shopped for hourrrssss at fashion mall wit just the girlsss<3, then hit the strip wit Maii, Ry, & Brother. On the strip, we first visited Gameworks, & i showed off my fantastical GuitarHero skills. Then hit the M&M store, looked around there, the whole place smelled like chocolate. While walking outside of all the stores, Brother & Ry were collecting "PornoMon" cards to see who could collect the most lol. We ended up meeting a white guy who tried competing. But we all knew Brother was the winner lolll. Then, once we were in front of planet hollywood, there were dancers who had a crowd watching em, & Ry decided to jump in & dance too! Lololol. As the crowd watched, he made it rain wit all the PornoMon cards he had been collecting hahaha. Great laughs there.. On our way back to Paris to meet my parents, just when we thought our night of fun was ending, we run into Timothydelaghetto, Rick, & Eric !! Catch us all on this newest vlog ! :)
Saturday was pretty cool too.. Asia buffet was bomb cuz i havent had good cream cheese wontons in a long time.. Everyone spent so much quarters on fingerbands lolol. I got a P haha. TJ Maxx was so much fun. Twizzles, Me, & Sabrina we're probably the loudest ones there from all our laughing lol! From trying on boots, sunglasses, hats, playing with lil kids toys, to stuffing Tiff inside a suitcase & dragging her all around the store! Hahahha
That was basically the highlights of the weekend.. Thinkin of all the laughs actually made me feel better.
Before i started blogging, i was upset.. But now i just dont even feel like letting boy problems get me down anymore.. Especially ones that i kno aren't gunna change..
I have so much else to be happy & thankful for that wasting energy & feeling down about shit like that isnt even worth it..
It is what it is. Survival of the fittest. I wanna be a GiRLFRiEND. Not a mother who always has to tell u right from wrong, wut to do & wut not to do.
Night night ! :)
i'm layin in bed wit nothin really to do at the moment , so i decided to blog since i havent in a while ..
Vegas was pretty fun.. i thought it was going to be a lot more fun, but i guess its cuz i had high expectations. Still fun none the less though. The best day was Friday. Ate wingstop, shopped for hourrrssss at fashion mall wit just the girlsss<3, then hit the strip wit Maii, Ry, & Brother. On the strip, we first visited Gameworks, & i showed off my fantastical GuitarHero skills. Then hit the M&M store, looked around there, the whole place smelled like chocolate. While walking outside of all the stores, Brother & Ry were collecting "PornoMon" cards to see who could collect the most lol. We ended up meeting a white guy who tried competing. But we all knew Brother was the winner lolll. Then, once we were in front of planet hollywood, there were dancers who had a crowd watching em, & Ry decided to jump in & dance too! Lololol. As the crowd watched, he made it rain wit all the PornoMon cards he had been collecting hahaha. Great laughs there.. On our way back to Paris to meet my parents, just when we thought our night of fun was ending, we run into Timothydelaghetto, Rick, & Eric !! Catch us all on this newest vlog ! :)
Saturday was pretty cool too.. Asia buffet was bomb cuz i havent had good cream cheese wontons in a long time.. Everyone spent so much quarters on fingerbands lolol. I got a P haha. TJ Maxx was so much fun. Twizzles, Me, & Sabrina we're probably the loudest ones there from all our laughing lol! From trying on boots, sunglasses, hats, playing with lil kids toys, to stuffing Tiff inside a suitcase & dragging her all around the store! Hahahha
That was basically the highlights of the weekend.. Thinkin of all the laughs actually made me feel better.
Before i started blogging, i was upset.. But now i just dont even feel like letting boy problems get me down anymore.. Especially ones that i kno aren't gunna change..
I have so much else to be happy & thankful for that wasting energy & feeling down about shit like that isnt even worth it..
It is what it is. Survival of the fittest. I wanna be a GiRLFRiEND. Not a mother who always has to tell u right from wrong, wut to do & wut not to do.
Night night ! :)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Hell .
today was so hectic.. i'm drained. maxed out to the fullest. so much drama... i thought today was gunna go well. but yet, again, it ended up in disappointment, tears, & more hurt feelings.
I guess thats wut happens when u precieve a person to be better than they truely are, or when you expect greater from a person who isnt as great as u think...
ive come to the point where i feel as if i prefer to be alone rather than have a significant other.. it feels so good to be in love.. but nothing lasts forever.. & i have never met anyone who hasnt let me down ever.
for me, dealing with loneliness isnt as hard to deal with compared to a broken heart. but the both go hand in hand..
anyway.. i dont like the emotional side of me.. i'd rather keep them all in a box, locked away for a long time..
on a brighter note.. after all the drama today, P was craving lemon pepper wings & wanted to eat out cuz he hasnt been havin a very happy week either. So we went on a mission to find a place that sold chicken wings. We googled, & to our surprise, there was a place called Hoagies & Wings right down washington! So we drive there, & another surprise... It was closed down! Wtffff. Super big disappointment cuz we both had our hearts set on lemon pepper wings... So we end up eating at the new BJ's at Fox Hills. He orders regular wings, & i ordered a salad :). Our order took foreeeeveeerrr btw. So we got a free dessert! Puzookie! It was pretty bombbb. After we ate, we walked around the mall a bit, & after, we had to do hw =( . So i helped him, & by the time we were done, phil was ready. Studied wit phil for like 3 fuken hours. Holy shat. Then went upstairs, chatted wit the twins, tita, & mamalou for a while, then drove home... & still had to do speech homework! another hour & a half. -_- talked to mama for a lil bit bout my day.. & now, finally i'm in bed... blogging. its been a while. this one makes up for it tho.
i'm beyond exhausted...
--deuces .
I guess thats wut happens when u precieve a person to be better than they truely are, or when you expect greater from a person who isnt as great as u think...
ive come to the point where i feel as if i prefer to be alone rather than have a significant other.. it feels so good to be in love.. but nothing lasts forever.. & i have never met anyone who hasnt let me down ever.
for me, dealing with loneliness isnt as hard to deal with compared to a broken heart. but the both go hand in hand..
anyway.. i dont like the emotional side of me.. i'd rather keep them all in a box, locked away for a long time..
on a brighter note.. after all the drama today, P was craving lemon pepper wings & wanted to eat out cuz he hasnt been havin a very happy week either. So we went on a mission to find a place that sold chicken wings. We googled, & to our surprise, there was a place called Hoagies & Wings right down washington! So we drive there, & another surprise... It was closed down! Wtffff. Super big disappointment cuz we both had our hearts set on lemon pepper wings... So we end up eating at the new BJ's at Fox Hills. He orders regular wings, & i ordered a salad :). Our order took foreeeeveeerrr btw. So we got a free dessert! Puzookie! It was pretty bombbb. After we ate, we walked around the mall a bit, & after, we had to do hw =( . So i helped him, & by the time we were done, phil was ready. Studied wit phil for like 3 fuken hours. Holy shat. Then went upstairs, chatted wit the twins, tita, & mamalou for a while, then drove home... & still had to do speech homework! another hour & a half. -_- talked to mama for a lil bit bout my day.. & now, finally i'm in bed... blogging. its been a while. this one makes up for it tho.
i'm beyond exhausted...
--deuces .
Friday, October 16, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Happy birthday to mee...
idk if its just me or what...
i feel so shitty right now.. i wanna go to sleep soo badly but i fuken cant.
i dont even wanna be awake right now..
i fuken have friends talkin to me, complaining bout all their fuken problems & shit.. & i fuken listen & help give advice, i cant even get a simple happy birthday cuz ppl are too concerned about their fuken selves. wtf.
not to mention, my "bestfriend", hasnt even called.. i kno only 30 mins has past, but i excpected different from at least HIM of all ppl...
joseph claimed all this shit bout how he loved me, stalked me, all that shit, & already theres someone else?
its like the piggy situation thing all over again.
not even HE thought to wish me a happy birthday either. not even thru text.
my dad was awake 10 mins before it turned midnight, & decided he wanted to go to sleep instead of waiting..
everything has been such a let down lately, i was hoping today would be better, but it already started off horrible..
im not looking forward to today... nothing was planned, nothings going on, i just hate everything right now..
i havent cried in sooo long... i couldnt help but just break down....
i have a chemistry quiz in the morning, a perfect day to have it, on my fuken birthday.
i already feel like my whole day is ruined.. i doubt anything will be better in the morning...
FML.
i feel so shitty right now.. i wanna go to sleep soo badly but i fuken cant.
i dont even wanna be awake right now..
i fuken have friends talkin to me, complaining bout all their fuken problems & shit.. & i fuken listen & help give advice, i cant even get a simple happy birthday cuz ppl are too concerned about their fuken selves. wtf.
not to mention, my "bestfriend", hasnt even called.. i kno only 30 mins has past, but i excpected different from at least HIM of all ppl...
joseph claimed all this shit bout how he loved me, stalked me, all that shit, & already theres someone else?
its like the piggy situation thing all over again.
not even HE thought to wish me a happy birthday either. not even thru text.
my dad was awake 10 mins before it turned midnight, & decided he wanted to go to sleep instead of waiting..
everything has been such a let down lately, i was hoping today would be better, but it already started off horrible..
im not looking forward to today... nothing was planned, nothings going on, i just hate everything right now..
i havent cried in sooo long... i couldnt help but just break down....
i have a chemistry quiz in the morning, a perfect day to have it, on my fuken birthday.
i already feel like my whole day is ruined.. i doubt anything will be better in the morning...
FML.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
blahh
i cant fuken sleep !!!
lately ive been able to sleep early without a problem..
but since last night, i havent been able to sleep !!!
FML .
im bored as fuck .
lately ive been able to sleep early without a problem..
but since last night, i havent been able to sleep !!!
FML .
im bored as fuck .
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
quick thoughts
this is the only way i think is best to go about things.. i really dont kno what the hell i want.. but i'm hopin time fixes everything on its own.. they say that time heals everything. we'll see... i'm just gunna go wit the flow & see wut happens.
"well i guess i'm tryna be nonchalant about it..
cuz i'm goin to extremes to prove i'm fine without you..
but in reality i'm slowly losing my mind,
underneath the disguise & smile, gradually i'm dying inside.
friends ask me how i feel, & i lie convincingly,
cuz i dont want to reveal the fact that i'm suffering.
so i wear my disguise til i go home at night, & turn out all the lights, & then i breakdown & cry..."
i just feel like sleeping alllllll day today & not doing a damn thing... thank god i dont have class tomorrow..
this was a pretty early blog. i might blogg again later tonight. we'll see how i feel..
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Alrightyy.. So i'm layin in bed right now, & i jst thought i'd blog before i went to sleeep.
Today was a typical sunday. Nothin outta the ordinary. Went to china town wit mom, dad, & broskee & had dimsum. Yummm (:
Then walked around for a while.. Broskee & i walked around on our own while mom & dad went their separate waysss. Brandon bought a phone charm that broke like 5 mins after we bought it LOL so we went back & got a different one... Then dad called to meet back up. Dad & bro got a haircut frm sum chinese guy there.. Merrr. Lol but actually, it came out better than every where else they go for haircuts & much cheaper too! Haha.
After that, we walked around sum more, i went crazy in picking like 8 different nail polish colors cuz they were all dollar each! i'm addicted to painting my nailsss! I loveee it... i'd paint them a different color everyday if i wasnt too lazy to wait for them to dry lol... Anywaayy.. So after that, we went to the bakery to buy a birthday cake for stacey since its her bday tomorrow. Then homeee finally! & what else wud i do as soon as i got home?! Yeppp! Took a nice long nap!!! :) hahah
After my nap, i washed all the cars wit daddy. & since then i just been kickin back..
i'm hoping this week passes by fasttt, which i think it will.
Still no plans for my birthday on thursday.. But idk. i'm sure somethin will come up. I hope soo!
If not, its okayy. i'm jst glad i finally got a new phone, cuz god knows i needed it! The other day wen i was reformatting my 2gig micro sd card from my sidekick so i can use it on my blackberry, i used the trackball on my sidekick for the first time since i got my new phone & it moves sooooo slow!! I was like wth?! I guess i never noticed how bad it was cuz i was so use to it... Now i dont have that problem & i'm also use to the smaller keyboard too (:
Not that it took me long.. Haha.
Weeeelll... Tomorrow is lab day in chemistry, so that means i get off at 11:30 instead of 10:30.. Boooo at that. But oh well... Its not like i have anything else better to do.. I need a job!! Sheesh!! If joseph can get one, i kno i can too. Maybe i'm just not trying hard enuff or not being persistent enuff.. -_- ahh.. Whatever. i'll have to work on that. Yes pun intended.
Btw, do ppl still use blogger? I noticed that before i use to blogg more often wen times were shitty & i was down. I always say this, but i think imah start blogging everyday even if its short. its always nice to have SOMETHiNG to look back on. Thats all for tonight...
__ dueces .
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
easy way out .
through a text message .
i guess that just shows how much i was really worth to you .
i guess that just shows how much i was really worth to you .
Friday, July 17, 2009
untitled .
im blogging to vent this frustration that i dont know what to do with .
i dont know who to direct it towards , who to go to , & i dont even know if its worth writing about .
but this is all i've got for the mean time ..
once again , im back in a hole that i feel like i've been in once too many times before .
i go through a streak of independence & being on my own , while at the same time balancing a love life as best as i can , trying not to get use to too much of either one .
for a while , i spent most of my time focusing on only myself while a person i love was some what neglected .
i was partially aware of it at the time , & didnt completely discard his feelings , but i guess i wasnt there enough .
i grew to be more understanding , tried changing , & yet it still wasnt enough at the time .
without noticing , my focus became all on him , & less of myself .
now that its not needed , & things have changed , i've already become use to the change i made that i thought he needed , only to find out that it feels like i did it for nothing .
its getting harder and harder for me to keep changing , & i miss the feeling of not having to worry about another person .
when i dont have anyone , i have trouble accepting the fact that im alone , & i ponder on y i miss being in a relationship , then end up getting into one psyching myself out as if i want to be in one when i truely dont .
& when i do have someone , i still have trouble accepting the fact that i actually have someone , & start to feel like what i have is too good to be true , & end up having my guard up for too long , until i contribute to the relationship falling .
is this because i have trust issues..? half true .
i think that partially , at times , i do have trust issues .
but i guess its just a matter of learning not to get use to any type of feeling or state .
all of it is in my head . i need to learn to keep my mind & heart separate .
i believe that at times , my mind is stronger than my heart . its much more intellegent , & can see past everything .
but my heart weakens me , & uses emotions to bring me down .
letting my heart go is what causes my brain to think other wise , & THIS is where the sleepless nights come from .
i just want to put my heart in a box for a while , & not let anyone get to it for the mean time ..
til im mentally ready , & strong enough to see right throught all of this drama ..
but until then... i love you with all my heart .
i dont know who to direct it towards , who to go to , & i dont even know if its worth writing about .
but this is all i've got for the mean time ..
once again , im back in a hole that i feel like i've been in once too many times before .
i go through a streak of independence & being on my own , while at the same time balancing a love life as best as i can , trying not to get use to too much of either one .
for a while , i spent most of my time focusing on only myself while a person i love was some what neglected .
i was partially aware of it at the time , & didnt completely discard his feelings , but i guess i wasnt there enough .
i grew to be more understanding , tried changing , & yet it still wasnt enough at the time .
without noticing , my focus became all on him , & less of myself .
now that its not needed , & things have changed , i've already become use to the change i made that i thought he needed , only to find out that it feels like i did it for nothing .
its getting harder and harder for me to keep changing , & i miss the feeling of not having to worry about another person .
when i dont have anyone , i have trouble accepting the fact that im alone , & i ponder on y i miss being in a relationship , then end up getting into one psyching myself out as if i want to be in one when i truely dont .
& when i do have someone , i still have trouble accepting the fact that i actually have someone , & start to feel like what i have is too good to be true , & end up having my guard up for too long , until i contribute to the relationship falling .
is this because i have trust issues..? half true .
i think that partially , at times , i do have trust issues .
but i guess its just a matter of learning not to get use to any type of feeling or state .
all of it is in my head . i need to learn to keep my mind & heart separate .
i believe that at times , my mind is stronger than my heart . its much more intellegent , & can see past everything .
but my heart weakens me , & uses emotions to bring me down .
letting my heart go is what causes my brain to think other wise , & THIS is where the sleepless nights come from .
i just want to put my heart in a box for a while , & not let anyone get to it for the mean time ..
til im mentally ready , & strong enough to see right throught all of this drama ..
but until then... i love you with all my heart .
jedi mind tricks ?
this mind game is fuckin wit me .
i cant fuken sleep . wuddafuxup?!
why must we go through thisssss now .
ughh .
i cant fuken sleep . wuddafuxup?!
why must we go through thisssss now .
ughh .
Sunday, July 12, 2009
rock bottom .
we've hit it, & this time i dont know how to fix this .
im trying hard to find the positive in vibes so negative comin from you , but its discouraging .
im stronger than that , so im not giving up on all that we've built .
& just like when you held on for us when i had my doubts , i'll be your other half & hang on for us til you stand up again .
so for what its worth.. happy 9 babe.
-- deuces .
im trying hard to find the positive in vibes so negative comin from you , but its discouraging .
im stronger than that , so im not giving up on all that we've built .
& just like when you held on for us when i had my doubts , i'll be your other half & hang on for us til you stand up again .
so for what its worth.. happy 9 babe.
-- deuces .
Monday, June 15, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
i NEED ...
someone who appreciates a woman's worth .
a gentleman .
someone selfLESS .
the one who speaks , acts , treats , & loves me like everyday is our last together .
someone appreciative ; who doesnt take anything for granted .
a MAN who takes the initiative to do things on his own because he WANTS to ; not because he was told .
one that treats me as well as i'll treat him , because we're both looking for the same things .
a gentleman .
someone selfLESS .
the one who speaks , acts , treats , & loves me like everyday is our last together .
someone appreciative ; who doesnt take anything for granted .
a MAN who takes the initiative to do things on his own because he WANTS to ; not because he was told .
one that treats me as well as i'll treat him , because we're both looking for the same things .
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
weekend .
this weekend was prettyyy koo .
friday was kinda wack . didnt do muchh , just chilled at home all day wit my babeee .
saturday started off pretty slow , then picked up speed as soon as we hit west co .
picked up a couple hours after we got there , boba on the way home , & smooth sailin from there .
laker game at my house , mickie deez durin half time , clenched buttcheeks the last 3 mins of the game & lakers came out wit a WiNNNN !! :)
then graff'd in the back wit ry & babyy for a couple hours..
went back inside , popped , ry & babe were thizzed , but i wasnt .
got a surprise at the door ! it was adam , twin , & stevoooo !
chilled wit everyone outside , they thizzed , i still wasnt , so another for meee !
then finally i caught upp . peaked for a good hour or so ,
jerrrrked , light shows , talkeddd til 5 in the mornin.. lol
adam , twin , & stevooo left at 7am .
finally caught some zzzzz's . woke up at 11 . lagged til 3 , copped sumthin to eat .. slept again after .
babe went home at around 6.
went back to sleep at like 9.. slept the whoooole night throughh ! hahahah cleannn roll .
yesterday babe ran the LA marathon . 26.2 miles ! finished in less than 6 hours , im pround of youu babe :]
and noooooooooooowwww....
chiiiiiiiiiill all day cuz im already paid !!
fucksss wiiiitttt ittt !!
-- deuces .
friday was kinda wack . didnt do muchh , just chilled at home all day wit my babeee .
saturday started off pretty slow , then picked up speed as soon as we hit west co .
picked up a couple hours after we got there , boba on the way home , & smooth sailin from there .
laker game at my house , mickie deez durin half time , clenched buttcheeks the last 3 mins of the game & lakers came out wit a WiNNNN !! :)
then graff'd in the back wit ry & babyy for a couple hours..
went back inside , popped , ry & babe were thizzed , but i wasnt .
got a surprise at the door ! it was adam , twin , & stevoooo !
chilled wit everyone outside , they thizzed , i still wasnt , so another for meee !
then finally i caught upp . peaked for a good hour or so ,
jerrrrked , light shows , talkeddd til 5 in the mornin.. lol
adam , twin , & stevooo left at 7am .
finally caught some zzzzz's . woke up at 11 . lagged til 3 , copped sumthin to eat .. slept again after .
babe went home at around 6.
went back to sleep at like 9.. slept the whoooole night throughh ! hahahah cleannn roll .
yesterday babe ran the LA marathon . 26.2 miles ! finished in less than 6 hours , im pround of youu babe :]
and noooooooooooowwww....
chiiiiiiiiiill all day cuz im already paid !!
fucksss wiiiitttt ittt !!
-- deuces .
Sunday, May 17, 2009
FML .
my braces hurt like a bitchhhh .
it was hot as fuckkk ,
but im glad lakers came out wit a win todayyy .
been waiting all day to get home & talk to my boo ,
only to get home & find that hes already asleep . merrrr .
FML .
not such a good day .
-- deuces .
it was hot as fuckkk ,
but im glad lakers came out wit a win todayyy .
been waiting all day to get home & talk to my boo ,
only to get home & find that hes already asleep . merrrr .
FML .
not such a good day .
-- deuces .
Friday, May 15, 2009
oh maaann ...
its been a whileeee .
ok , well first off .. nothing really exciting has happened since i last had a REAL blogg .
well... not anything worth writing about at leasttt .
but waaaaaaaiiiittt !! theres moooorrrreeee !!
lol
braces officially get put on at 8 in the morninggg tomorrow -_-
hmm.. wut else..?
i use twitter more often cuz its faster & easier . plus , i dont have to write in long ass form cuz i just write throughout the day lil by lil , as the randomnesss comes to my head . lol
buuuuuuuuuuuutttt... i do thisssss cuz i'd like to keep memoriess by the bundle & be able to look back, laugh, & reminisce when i read through them one day . with twitter , that'll be alot harder.. lol
um um um ummmm...
im getting sickkk of a certain someone & the way they act , so that needs to change .
im ready for summer school , im gunna tackle bio & come out wit an A .
i think thats all that i can think of right now..
whooooo knowwwws when im coming back ?!
i sure dont ! :)
-- deuces .
ok , well first off .. nothing really exciting has happened since i last had a REAL blogg .
well... not anything worth writing about at leasttt .
but waaaaaaaiiiittt !! theres moooorrrreeee !!
lol
braces officially get put on at 8 in the morninggg tomorrow -_-
hmm.. wut else..?
i use twitter more often cuz its faster & easier . plus , i dont have to write in long ass form cuz i just write throughout the day lil by lil , as the randomnesss comes to my head . lol
buuuuuuuuuuuutttt... i do thisssss cuz i'd like to keep memoriess by the bundle & be able to look back, laugh, & reminisce when i read through them one day . with twitter , that'll be alot harder.. lol
um um um ummmm...
im getting sickkk of a certain someone & the way they act , so that needs to change .
im ready for summer school , im gunna tackle bio & come out wit an A .
i think thats all that i can think of right now..
whooooo knowwwws when im coming back ?!
i sure dont ! :)
-- deuces .
Sunday, May 3, 2009
one .
In my life I don't mean much to anyone
I've lost my way can't go back anymore
Once I had everything now it's gone
Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before
Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try
I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never
and I try to remember who I used to be
I've got one more chance to get myself together..
I've lost my way can't go back anymore
Once I had everything now it's gone
Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before
Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try
I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never
and I try to remember who I used to be
I've got one more chance to get myself together..
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
cant handle the heat ;
so im stayin out the kitchen !
lol jk .
its been hot as fackk since saturday ! i cant stand it .
ok ok , so my busy weekend finally came to a slow once the week started . booooo @ that .
Saturday :
--woke up extra early , had to do some chores around the house .. waited for Karla & Josh to meet me & broskee at my house..
we were supposed to be at the beach by 11:30 to meet Bebe & Rick , but they didnt even get to my house til almost 2 ! WTF ?!
so after what seeeemed like forever , i ended up having to drive my car cuz josh had "things" to handle . smh . got to the beach round 2somethin . went swimmin in the waves for a couple hours .. Brandon on the boogie board , drifted wayyy the fuck out in the ocean wit the dolphins some how & the lifeguard had to save him.. LOL wtf.. -_- then we hit mickieeee deeez , waited for Bebe to finish showering at his house , then booked to my house .
karla left , then i showered , got ready & Bebe decides to take me shoppin ! we left around 5ish , shopped til about.. 7.
went back home , dropped off the bags & waited for my stupid phone to charge for a lil . thank you for the shoppin spree baby :)<3
then around 8 , we headed to the wesssssside . waited on a dub for like half an hour -_- but to our surprise , we got more than what we bargained for ! it was worth the wait , got deuce dub sacks for the price of one for bein so patient . good lookin' (you kno who u are!)
finally , around 9 , headed to Samantha's bday kick backk . got there , bebe & i were a couple of wall flowers for a koo minute.. LOL (no diss intended boo) hahah . popped around 9:30 , hit the blunt a few times , enjoyed the high wit the music , & finally started rollin around 10 .
gave dances & light shows for everyone , took pics , all that good stuff , then dipped to drop baby off .
didnt end the night on such a good note.. but sa'll good.
got home round 2 , phone wit boo til about 3 or 4 , cant really remember , but all the while still rollin .
clean ass roll btw . bebe fell asleep on me , guess his wore off . mine didnt . laid in bed , tried to sleep , failed. lol
bumped music while layin in bed , yadda yadda.. finally fell asleep at almost 7.
busy busy all sunday as well , too lazy to type . it wasnt as bomb as saturday tho .
bebe has been gone since monday . i miss him :(
he finally comes back tomorrow , i'll be at work to pass the time , so sa'll goooood .
then hes gunna take me to dinner tomorrow night at CPK for his first timeee :) .
cant wait til fridaaaay !!
im lovin' life right now . thank you papabear♥
-- deuces .
lol jk .
its been hot as fackk since saturday ! i cant stand it .
ok ok , so my busy weekend finally came to a slow once the week started . booooo @ that .
Saturday :
--woke up extra early , had to do some chores around the house .. waited for Karla & Josh to meet me & broskee at my house..
we were supposed to be at the beach by 11:30 to meet Bebe & Rick , but they didnt even get to my house til almost 2 ! WTF ?!
so after what seeeemed like forever , i ended up having to drive my car cuz josh had "things" to handle . smh . got to the beach round 2somethin . went swimmin in the waves for a couple hours .. Brandon on the boogie board , drifted wayyy the fuck out in the ocean wit the dolphins some how & the lifeguard had to save him.. LOL wtf.. -_- then we hit mickieeee deeez , waited for Bebe to finish showering at his house , then booked to my house .
karla left , then i showered , got ready & Bebe decides to take me shoppin ! we left around 5ish , shopped til about.. 7.
went back home , dropped off the bags & waited for my stupid phone to charge for a lil . thank you for the shoppin spree baby :)<3
then around 8 , we headed to the wesssssside . waited on a dub for like half an hour -_- but to our surprise , we got more than what we bargained for ! it was worth the wait , got deuce dub sacks for the price of one for bein so patient . good lookin' (you kno who u are!)
finally , around 9 , headed to Samantha's bday kick backk . got there , bebe & i were a couple of wall flowers for a koo minute.. LOL (no diss intended boo) hahah . popped around 9:30 , hit the blunt a few times , enjoyed the high wit the music , & finally started rollin around 10 .
gave dances & light shows for everyone , took pics , all that good stuff , then dipped to drop baby off .
didnt end the night on such a good note.. but sa'll good.
got home round 2 , phone wit boo til about 3 or 4 , cant really remember , but all the while still rollin .
clean ass roll btw . bebe fell asleep on me , guess his wore off . mine didnt . laid in bed , tried to sleep , failed. lol
bumped music while layin in bed , yadda yadda.. finally fell asleep at almost 7.
busy busy all sunday as well , too lazy to type . it wasnt as bomb as saturday tho .
bebe has been gone since monday . i miss him :(
he finally comes back tomorrow , i'll be at work to pass the time , so sa'll goooood .
then hes gunna take me to dinner tomorrow night at CPK for his first timeee :) .
cant wait til fridaaaay !!
im lovin' life right now . thank you papabear♥
-- deuces .
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
i DESERVE ; because im TiRED of everything .
i deserve more than what i've been getting .
i deserve to trust & be trusted in return .
i deserve to be treated like a queen .
i deserve to be spoken to with respect ; without having to hear cuss words in every sentence .
i deserve to not be questioned about everything i do .
i deserve to do things without having to hear complaints .
i deserve to go out wen i want without having to hear parents bitch , as well as my boyfriend .
i deserve to have a relationship without having to take everything so fuken seriously .
i deserve a moment to cry happy tears instead of sad, frustrated, or mad tears .
i deserve to be able to express my emotions without having to apologize for them .
i deserve to check my myspace, facebook, twitter, etc. without being accused of "flirting" .
i deserve to have guy friends while i have a boyfriend .
i deserve to make decisions without the criticism .
i deserve to be UNDERSTOOD .
im tired of always having to ask for things to be done .
im tired of things being done only because i asked .
im tired of things not being done without having to be asked !
im tired of stupidity .
im tired of immaturity .
im tired of double standards .
im tired of going to the store & having to deal with workers who barely speak english .
im tired of people who automatically start speaking spanish to me just because i reside in LA .
im tired of "i love NY" shirts being sold in LA ; wtfff ?
im tired of people who know im filipino & start speaking to tagalog to me , assuming i'd understand .
im tired of people using "hella" after every other word as if "really" and "very" dont even exist anymore .
im tired of people saying they're "REAL" when they're real-ly NOT .
im tired of people saying "they dont give a fuck" when clearly , they DO .
im tired of people saying they listen to "everything" ; muhfcuka if you dont listen to heavy metal or country , that ISNT everything !
im tired of females complaining that their "hella cute" or "fine as fuck" boyfriend might be cheating , or flirting behind their backs ; NO SHiT , find yerself a nerd instead .
im tired of seeing people talking on their bluetooth while holding their cell phone in their hands ; wtff ?
im tired of LiL WAYNE ; i've heard his songs a milli a milli a million times ! hes played out , his new shit is WACK . Clipse killed him , look that shit up & GET FAMiLiAR .
im tired of still having to hear bout Michael Phelps ; no body cares bout swimming !!
im tired of seeing girls dress like sluts , wit their titties poppin out their shirt & ass hangin out their shorts like 'what it do?' then complain about "perverts" . smh , dumb bitches these days..
im tired of good girls like ME , MAii , & TiFF who have boyfriends that like looking at those type of girls i just mentioned !! wtf
im tired of seein females givin THEMSELVES long ass nick names like lady sexydoodooheadbitchwhachukno or miss sexybitchcuntfacebitchimthebombliketicktick . first of all , just cuz you have "lady" or "miss" in front of ur nickname does not make you grown , & second thats not cute at all . re-fuckin-lax !
im tired of people hittin me up askin me to "comment their pics" . bitch nigga , if you was fine or important enough , i'd comment on my own without you having to ask !
im tired of triflin' ass niggas who wants the perfect "wifey" type , but yet they cant act rite . smh , go fuck yourself nigga .
im tired of skinny bitches always sayin they're fat when they know they're not .
im tired of bein tired .
when will it ever endddd ?!
-- deuces .
i deserve to trust & be trusted in return .
i deserve to be treated like a queen .
i deserve to be spoken to with respect ; without having to hear cuss words in every sentence .
i deserve to not be questioned about everything i do .
i deserve to do things without having to hear complaints .
i deserve to go out wen i want without having to hear parents bitch , as well as my boyfriend .
i deserve to have a relationship without having to take everything so fuken seriously .
i deserve a moment to cry happy tears instead of sad, frustrated, or mad tears .
i deserve to be able to express my emotions without having to apologize for them .
i deserve to check my myspace, facebook, twitter, etc. without being accused of "flirting" .
i deserve to have guy friends while i have a boyfriend .
i deserve to make decisions without the criticism .
i deserve to be UNDERSTOOD .
im tired of always having to ask for things to be done .
im tired of things being done only because i asked .
im tired of things not being done without having to be asked !
im tired of stupidity .
im tired of immaturity .
im tired of double standards .
im tired of going to the store & having to deal with workers who barely speak english .
im tired of people who automatically start speaking spanish to me just because i reside in LA .
im tired of "i love NY" shirts being sold in LA ; wtfff ?
im tired of people who know im filipino & start speaking to tagalog to me , assuming i'd understand .
im tired of people using "hella" after every other word as if "really" and "very" dont even exist anymore .
im tired of people saying they're "REAL" when they're real-ly NOT .
im tired of people saying "they dont give a fuck" when clearly , they DO .
im tired of people saying they listen to "everything" ; muhfcuka if you dont listen to heavy metal or country , that ISNT everything !
im tired of females complaining that their "hella cute" or "fine as fuck" boyfriend might be cheating , or flirting behind their backs ; NO SHiT , find yerself a nerd instead .
im tired of seeing people talking on their bluetooth while holding their cell phone in their hands ; wtff ?
im tired of LiL WAYNE ; i've heard his songs a milli a milli a million times ! hes played out , his new shit is WACK . Clipse killed him , look that shit up & GET FAMiLiAR .
im tired of still having to hear bout Michael Phelps ; no body cares bout swimming !!
im tired of seeing girls dress like sluts , wit their titties poppin out their shirt & ass hangin out their shorts like 'what it do?' then complain about "perverts" . smh , dumb bitches these days..
im tired of good girls like ME , MAii , & TiFF who have boyfriends that like looking at those type of girls i just mentioned !! wtf
im tired of seein females givin THEMSELVES long ass nick names like lady sexydoodooheadbitchwhachukno or miss sexybitchcuntfacebitchimthebombliketicktick . first of all , just cuz you have "lady" or "miss" in front of ur nickname does not make you grown , & second thats not cute at all . re-fuckin-lax !
im tired of people hittin me up askin me to "comment their pics" . bitch nigga , if you was fine or important enough , i'd comment on my own without you having to ask !
im tired of triflin' ass niggas who wants the perfect "wifey" type , but yet they cant act rite . smh , go fuck yourself nigga .
im tired of skinny bitches always sayin they're fat when they know they're not .
im tired of bein tired .
when will it ever endddd ?!
-- deuces .
Monday, April 13, 2009
stolen from Maii :)
mine & joseph's answers . lol :)
Where was the FIRST time you ever saw the person you like?
J: Venice .
L: Venice .
Is there a night you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?
J: no.
L: no.
Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
J: she WAS .. lol
L: uhh.. he WAS
Whats going on between you and the last person you kissed?
J: uhhh intermediate relationship , and talking on the phone . LOL
L: talking on the phoneeee . thats my strrroooong man !
Can you recall the last time you loved someone?
J: yes , you .
L: yes , NOW !
Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, what do you say?
J: if its a banging knock, cuz i live in the ghetto, i'd say.. "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?"
L: um.. i probably wouldnt hear the knock cuz im a heavy sleeper... LOL
Will you be in a relationship next month?
J: hopefully ?
L: i hope so ?
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
J: Lauren now .
L: Joseph now .
Anyone you're giving up on?
J: no .
L: no .
Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
J: lotta times k. (lmfao)
L: lotta times !
What were you doing at 10:30 last night?
J: either sleeping or talking on the phone with you (lauren) .
L: sameee !
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
J: no
L: no
Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
J: yes . we needed to get a room remember ? (lmfaoooo insider)
L: yes .
Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
J: yes .
L: doesnt everyone get bothered wen they're lied to ?
Are you easily bothered?
J: sometimes .
L: most of the time ... lol
Are you nice to everyone?
J: at first , yea .
L: most the time .
Are you wild and crazy?
J: yes , when my girlfriend lets me. lol
L: use to be .
Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
J: sadly , no one .
L: BiGG BiGG .
Do you watch The Hills?
J: fuck no .
L: i use to . the first season .
Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?
J: yeah .
L: sometimes .
Are you different than you were a year ago?
J: yes . totally different .
L: yes . verrrry .
Are you taller than your mom?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Is anything upsetting you right now?
J: no .
L: no , not rite now .
Whats the farthest away from home you have ever been?
J: eureka .
L: western carribean islands .
Do you hate being alone?
J: sometimes .
L: sometimes i like being alone .
When was the last time you cried?
J: new years day .
L: couple months ago i think ?
When was the last time you laughed?
J: just now .
L: sameee .
Is there someone that makes you happy everytime you see them?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
J: yes .
L: yes .
When you see a foggy window do you feel the need to draw or write on it?
J: HELL YEA !
L: not all the time , sometimes .
What kind of pants are you wearing?
J: not wearing pants , im wearing shorts .
L: =(
Are you in a good mood right now?
J: trying to be !! but someones pissing me off !
L: YES !! lmao
Has a boy/girl ever called you babe or baby?
J: yes .
L: yupp !
Who was the last person you took a picture with?
J: you . (lauren)
L: Maii .
What are your plans for tomorrow?
J: suck the day's dick ! (lmfaoo insiderr)
L: nothing .
What are some things you need to tell someone?
J: nothing .
L: nothing .
Have you been caught doing something you werent supposed to be doing?
J: lotta times .
L: no , i dont get caught .
Does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes?
J: it doesnt bother me , i laugh about em .
L: too bad , joseph just brought one up on the phone . -__-
When was the last time you talked to your number 1?
J: right now . (rick)
L: yesterday . (maii)
If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to tell you?
J: straight up .
L: how ever they want to .
Is there a girl/boy that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
J: yes .
L: yup , all the timee .
What’s the best feeling in the world?
J: eat chocolate .
L: to be loved & loved back ; fully trusted .
When was the last time someone saw you in your underwear?
J: saturday night .
L: saturday night .
Whens your birthday?
J: November 18
L: October 8
How old is the first person on your top?
J: 22
L: 17
Are you looking forward to anything?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Whats the last thing you printed out?
J: i dont know .
L: damn.. i really dont know !
Does anyone on your Myspace top friends live in an apartment?
J: no , i dont think any one does .
L: yes .
Do most of your close friends live within the area or far away?
J: yes , in the area .
L: both .
Does a male or female sing the last song you listened to?
J: male
L: female
Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?
J: yes .
L: yes , but not relationship wise .
Do you mean anything to the last person you held hands with?
J: of course , why the fuck wud we be holding hands in the first place then ?
L: yupp !
Have you ever kissed anyone with braces?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Do you say sexy a lot?
J: yes .
L: not alot , but sometimes .
When was the last time you had a sleepover?
J: summer 08 .
L: saturday .
Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
J: i wouldnt say really disappointed , but disappointed , yes .
L: no .
When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong?
J: when my gf broke up wit me .
L: i dnt remember .
If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
J: bebe lauren .
L: you . (joseph)
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
J: right now .
L: right now .
Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
J: my girlfriend .
L: boyfrienddd .
Would you run around a neighborhood at night without a shirt for 500 dollars?
J: i wouldnt .
L: i wouldnt .
Did you say "fuck" today?
J: yes .
L: yes .
How are you feeling right now?
J: angry
L: finee .
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name starts with D, B, J, R, A, N, or S?
J: B & J
L: B , J , & R
Where was the FIRST time you ever saw the person you like?
J: Venice .
L: Venice .
Is there a night you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?
J: no.
L: no.
Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
J: she WAS .. lol
L: uhh.. he WAS
Whats going on between you and the last person you kissed?
J: uhhh intermediate relationship , and talking on the phone . LOL
L: talking on the phoneeee . thats my strrroooong man !
Can you recall the last time you loved someone?
J: yes , you .
L: yes , NOW !
Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, what do you say?
J: if its a banging knock, cuz i live in the ghetto, i'd say.. "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?"
L: um.. i probably wouldnt hear the knock cuz im a heavy sleeper... LOL
Will you be in a relationship next month?
J: hopefully ?
L: i hope so ?
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
J: Lauren now .
L: Joseph now .
Anyone you're giving up on?
J: no .
L: no .
Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
J: lotta times k. (lmfao)
L: lotta times !
What were you doing at 10:30 last night?
J: either sleeping or talking on the phone with you (lauren) .
L: sameee !
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
J: no
L: no
Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
J: yes . we needed to get a room remember ? (lmfaoooo insider)
L: yes .
Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
J: yes .
L: doesnt everyone get bothered wen they're lied to ?
Are you easily bothered?
J: sometimes .
L: most of the time ... lol
Are you nice to everyone?
J: at first , yea .
L: most the time .
Are you wild and crazy?
J: yes , when my girlfriend lets me. lol
L: use to be .
Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
J: sadly , no one .
L: BiGG BiGG .
Do you watch The Hills?
J: fuck no .
L: i use to . the first season .
Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?
J: yeah .
L: sometimes .
Are you different than you were a year ago?
J: yes . totally different .
L: yes . verrrry .
Are you taller than your mom?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Is anything upsetting you right now?
J: no .
L: no , not rite now .
Whats the farthest away from home you have ever been?
J: eureka .
L: western carribean islands .
Do you hate being alone?
J: sometimes .
L: sometimes i like being alone .
When was the last time you cried?
J: new years day .
L: couple months ago i think ?
When was the last time you laughed?
J: just now .
L: sameee .
Is there someone that makes you happy everytime you see them?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
J: yes .
L: yes .
When you see a foggy window do you feel the need to draw or write on it?
J: HELL YEA !
L: not all the time , sometimes .
What kind of pants are you wearing?
J: not wearing pants , im wearing shorts .
L: =(
Are you in a good mood right now?
J: trying to be !! but someones pissing me off !
L: YES !! lmao
Has a boy/girl ever called you babe or baby?
J: yes .
L: yupp !
Who was the last person you took a picture with?
J: you . (lauren)
L: Maii .
What are your plans for tomorrow?
J: suck the day's dick ! (lmfaoo insiderr)
L: nothing .
What are some things you need to tell someone?
J: nothing .
L: nothing .
Have you been caught doing something you werent supposed to be doing?
J: lotta times .
L: no , i dont get caught .
Does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes?
J: it doesnt bother me , i laugh about em .
L: too bad , joseph just brought one up on the phone . -__-
When was the last time you talked to your number 1?
J: right now . (rick)
L: yesterday . (maii)
If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to tell you?
J: straight up .
L: how ever they want to .
Is there a girl/boy that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
J: yes .
L: yup , all the timee .
What’s the best feeling in the world?
J: eat chocolate .
L: to be loved & loved back ; fully trusted .
When was the last time someone saw you in your underwear?
J: saturday night .
L: saturday night .
Whens your birthday?
J: November 18
L: October 8
How old is the first person on your top?
J: 22
L: 17
Are you looking forward to anything?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Whats the last thing you printed out?
J: i dont know .
L: damn.. i really dont know !
Does anyone on your Myspace top friends live in an apartment?
J: no , i dont think any one does .
L: yes .
Do most of your close friends live within the area or far away?
J: yes , in the area .
L: both .
Does a male or female sing the last song you listened to?
J: male
L: female
Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?
J: yes .
L: yes , but not relationship wise .
Do you mean anything to the last person you held hands with?
J: of course , why the fuck wud we be holding hands in the first place then ?
L: yupp !
Have you ever kissed anyone with braces?
J: yes .
L: yes .
Do you say sexy a lot?
J: yes .
L: not alot , but sometimes .
When was the last time you had a sleepover?
J: summer 08 .
L: saturday .
Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
J: i wouldnt say really disappointed , but disappointed , yes .
L: no .
When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong?
J: when my gf broke up wit me .
L: i dnt remember .
If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
J: bebe lauren .
L: you . (joseph)
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
J: right now .
L: right now .
Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
J: my girlfriend .
L: boyfrienddd .
Would you run around a neighborhood at night without a shirt for 500 dollars?
J: i wouldnt .
L: i wouldnt .
Did you say "fuck" today?
J: yes .
L: yes .
How are you feeling right now?
J: angry
L: finee .
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name starts with D, B, J, R, A, N, or S?
J: B & J
L: B , J , & R
Thursday, April 9, 2009
finally ; a REAL update ?! ahaha .
alriteyy ! so here it is !
been workin dis past week , gettin my cake uppp .
these past few weekends have all been hella chiiiiiill .
easterrrrr sundayy comin up ! myspace hereeee i commmeeee ! woo ! lol
life has been prettttyyy damn goood latelyyy . got everyyything planned out ahead & everything is lookin ooohh soo bombbb .
i been lazy to update latelyyy .
ever since i gave up myspace for lent , internet hasnt been as fun as it use to . merrr .. lol
letsssss thiiiizzle !
-- deuces .
been workin dis past week , gettin my cake uppp .
these past few weekends have all been hella chiiiiiill .
easterrrrr sundayy comin up ! myspace hereeee i commmeeee ! woo ! lol
life has been prettttyyy damn goood latelyyy . got everyyything planned out ahead & everything is lookin ooohh soo bombbb .
i been lazy to update latelyyy .
ever since i gave up myspace for lent , internet hasnt been as fun as it use to . merrr .. lol
letsssss thiiiizzle !
-- deuces .
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
addicted to the craftyyy ;
Sketch:
Finished:
Sketch:
Finished:
LAUREEZY FUCKIN` BAYBEE !!
i just cant stop !!
-- deuces .
Finished:
Sketch:
Finished:
LAUREEZY FUCKIN` BAYBEE !!
i just cant stop !!
-- deuces .
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
HAPPY 17TH BiRTHDAY TWiZZLES !!
its been a while since i've blogged .
but i had to up this in honor of Tiff & Maii's 17th birthday today since i cant leave myspace comments :(
i loveeee you so much twizzles ! <333
-- deuces .
but i had to up this in honor of Tiff & Maii's 17th birthday today since i cant leave myspace comments :(
i loveeee you so much twizzles ! <333
-- deuces .
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
quickie .
hmm.. well its been a while since i updated..
dnt really feel like goin thru whats been goin on , so i'll just breeeze thru about today .
pretty much was on my solo tip today .
had dim sum wit mama, daddy, & broskee =]
then came home , washed slug bug bob since its been a while .. haha
took BiGG BiGG for a walk , & just finished eating honey mustard & onion flavored pretzel pieces , strawberry draaaank while watching Confessions of a Shop-a-Holic with BiGG BiGG =] .
next , gunna head to Mamalou's to drop off some groceries & back to my movie marathon w/ BiGG . =]
keystyle of the day:
i dream about the way it was back when things were new.. //
..before the changes in our lives changed our lives for good. //
it might not have been for the better babe, but i know you know it had to be done. //
i try to go about my day.. do my own thing, //
but all i want is you back in my arms babe.. //
where do you belong? ..where does all my love belong? //
theres really nothing i can do , cuz everything just leads back to you. //
..& no, theres nothing i can say that can change the way that its always been.. //
picture of the day:
this completely made my day . best surprise hes ever given meee :]
cute huh ?
-- deuces .
dnt really feel like goin thru whats been goin on , so i'll just breeeze thru about today .
pretty much was on my solo tip today .
had dim sum wit mama, daddy, & broskee =]
then came home , washed slug bug bob since its been a while .. haha
took BiGG BiGG for a walk , & just finished eating honey mustard & onion flavored pretzel pieces , strawberry draaaank while watching Confessions of a Shop-a-Holic with BiGG BiGG =] .
next , gunna head to Mamalou's to drop off some groceries & back to my movie marathon w/ BiGG . =]
keystyle of the day:
i dream about the way it was back when things were new.. //
..before the changes in our lives changed our lives for good. //
it might not have been for the better babe, but i know you know it had to be done. //
i try to go about my day.. do my own thing, //
but all i want is you back in my arms babe.. //
where do you belong? ..where does all my love belong? //
theres really nothing i can do , cuz everything just leads back to you. //
..& no, theres nothing i can say that can change the way that its always been.. //
picture of the day:
this completely made my day . best surprise hes ever given meee :]
cute huh ?
-- deuces .
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
blogger , lemme update ya ;)
haha .
its been a while ..
great weekend , loved rollin wit the West Co. Boys , awesomeee night !
idk why im blogging . alot of stuff has been happening , yet i dont really have much to sayyy bout any of it .
i just didnt wanna be lazy & stop updating like before , i guess ? lol
ortho on saturday , might get my braces put on .
then chill at west co. after ? maybeee . hopefully .
"back in the dayyy , when i was young , im not a kid anymore ; but some days , i sit & wish i was a kid again..."
only you to be a part of secrets held inside my heart...
*sigh*
-- deuces .
its been a while ..
great weekend , loved rollin wit the West Co. Boys , awesomeee night !
idk why im blogging . alot of stuff has been happening , yet i dont really have much to sayyy bout any of it .
i just didnt wanna be lazy & stop updating like before , i guess ? lol
ortho on saturday , might get my braces put on .
then chill at west co. after ? maybeee . hopefully .
"back in the dayyy , when i was young , im not a kid anymore ; but some days , i sit & wish i was a kid again..."
only you to be a part of secrets held inside my heart...
*sigh*
-- deuces .
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
for our hard times ..
its always "later" , "uh huh" , "okay whatever" , as if this time apart between us will make it better ..
im waiting for yer call in the late hours of the night , hoping you'd come around , give in , & make it right .
& when i mention anything , you cant help but explode . why is it when we talk , you switch to defensive mode ?
we talk about change , but the moment has yet to come ; cuz wen we hit rock bottom , we're quick to leave & run .
all i want is love baby , help to make us grow . we connect on levels that nobody else knows .
you lift me to my highest , & bring me to my lows ; but thats just hard proof that we grew to be so close .
im working every day , tryna figure how to please you ; i even wrote this song hopin' maybe it'll reach you .
& i didnt write this to attack you . it isnt your fault boo . i know im a handful .
i could be sensitive , i could have my days .. but whats a relationship without a little pain ?
at times i drive you crazy , theres times when im slow ; we tear each other down , rebuild , and then we grow .
on a rollercoaster of emotions , going thru the motions ; crash & burn , then we laugh & then learn .
we aint perfect , but i could feel it in my heart that yer worth it , & i felt it from the start from the first kiss .
so every second you dont call , i feel it hurtin .
i know for certain that im deeply into you ; if yer gone one moment , im missin you ...
-- deuces .
im waiting for yer call in the late hours of the night , hoping you'd come around , give in , & make it right .
& when i mention anything , you cant help but explode . why is it when we talk , you switch to defensive mode ?
we talk about change , but the moment has yet to come ; cuz wen we hit rock bottom , we're quick to leave & run .
all i want is love baby , help to make us grow . we connect on levels that nobody else knows .
you lift me to my highest , & bring me to my lows ; but thats just hard proof that we grew to be so close .
im working every day , tryna figure how to please you ; i even wrote this song hopin' maybe it'll reach you .
& i didnt write this to attack you . it isnt your fault boo . i know im a handful .
i could be sensitive , i could have my days .. but whats a relationship without a little pain ?
at times i drive you crazy , theres times when im slow ; we tear each other down , rebuild , and then we grow .
on a rollercoaster of emotions , going thru the motions ; crash & burn , then we laugh & then learn .
we aint perfect , but i could feel it in my heart that yer worth it , & i felt it from the start from the first kiss .
so every second you dont call , i feel it hurtin .
i know for certain that im deeply into you ; if yer gone one moment , im missin you ...
-- deuces .
Monday, February 23, 2009
my electric heart ...
Doctor , doctor . Pardon me but .. Do you feel my electric heart beat ?
I need a jumpstart , he's what I need .
Here's the symptoms , this is what I mean ,
I see flashes of dots and circles ; I look up and the sky is purple .
I'm like a car with frozen gears , I can't move , is it just cold in here ?
but when he's around I feel much better . he raises my power levels .
All I need is the scent of his fumes , a few seconds later inside , my heart booms .
So doc , any meds you can give me ? For feelin' faint, abnormally dizzyblue, yellow, and red, they all look the same .
my joints are locked but when I see his face , it gets warmer .
and my sickness is cured . high volts surge like time square in New York ,
Passes through me like the windy Bay shores .
Doc, can you figure out what's going on? the gears in my heart they start to roll , the rush of the blood then starts to flow ;
electricity pumps and sparks my soul , the weight falls down like December Snow ;
Doctor, doctor . Pardon me, but , do you feel my electric heart beat ?
I need a jumpstart, he's what I need .
here's the symptoms, this is what I mean ;
my breath is short, chills at night but when he's here I feel alright ;
but when he's not I feel unhealthy . what kind of drugs in the world can help me ?when Electricty sparks when I hear him and the cure seems so much clearer , and the voltage breaks through the meters .
imagine the push everytime that I'm near him .
I'm alive . I feel so human again .
so Doctor, what can you prescribe me then ?
when he's the one thing that'll give me that spark , to power my electric heart .
my electric .. my electric .. my electric heart .
iLY[JDR]
--deuces ..
I need a jumpstart , he's what I need .
Here's the symptoms , this is what I mean ,
I see flashes of dots and circles ; I look up and the sky is purple .
I'm like a car with frozen gears , I can't move , is it just cold in here ?
but when he's around I feel much better . he raises my power levels .
All I need is the scent of his fumes , a few seconds later inside , my heart booms .
So doc , any meds you can give me ? For feelin' faint, abnormally dizzyblue, yellow, and red, they all look the same .
my joints are locked but when I see his face , it gets warmer .
and my sickness is cured . high volts surge like time square in New York ,
Passes through me like the windy Bay shores .
Doc, can you figure out what's going on? the gears in my heart they start to roll , the rush of the blood then starts to flow ;
electricity pumps and sparks my soul , the weight falls down like December Snow ;
Doctor, doctor . Pardon me, but , do you feel my electric heart beat ?
I need a jumpstart, he's what I need .
here's the symptoms, this is what I mean ;
my breath is short, chills at night but when he's here I feel alright ;
but when he's not I feel unhealthy . what kind of drugs in the world can help me ?when Electricty sparks when I hear him and the cure seems so much clearer , and the voltage breaks through the meters .
imagine the push everytime that I'm near him .
I'm alive . I feel so human again .
so Doctor, what can you prescribe me then ?
when he's the one thing that'll give me that spark , to power my electric heart .
my electric .. my electric .. my electric heart .
iLY[JDR]
--deuces ..
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
bright :)
these past couple days have been going pretty well .
finally started work again yesterdayyy & have already gotten 160 hours in ! =] woohoo
so , looks like i have a big check on the way . hopefully .
broskee turns big , bad , 13 on fridaaayy .
& lunch wit the whoooole fam at seafood port on saturday !
mmmm , gooood ! =]
looks like theres going to be a good weekend up ahead ? yeee !
hopefully tomorrow's full day of work passes by fast ...
i've only been working for 2 days & im already tired .
but , im tryna get all the work i can get from the company before they go belly up . :(
times have changed & things are alot harder . who knows when i'll get another job after this one ...
i guess all i can do is hope for the best like i've been doing ..
anyway , things are slowly , but surely starting to run much smoother & better as time passes . no complaints , & im glad that the sun is finally starting to shine through everything .
lets hope that things STAY that way ..
POTD:
-- deuces .
finally started work again yesterdayyy & have already gotten 160 hours in ! =] woohoo
so , looks like i have a big check on the way . hopefully .
broskee turns big , bad , 13 on fridaaayy .
& lunch wit the whoooole fam at seafood port on saturday !
mmmm , gooood ! =]
looks like theres going to be a good weekend up ahead ? yeee !
hopefully tomorrow's full day of work passes by fast ...
i've only been working for 2 days & im already tired .
but , im tryna get all the work i can get from the company before they go belly up . :(
times have changed & things are alot harder . who knows when i'll get another job after this one ...
i guess all i can do is hope for the best like i've been doing ..
anyway , things are slowly , but surely starting to run much smoother & better as time passes . no complaints , & im glad that the sun is finally starting to shine through everything .
lets hope that things STAY that way ..
POTD:
-- deuces .
Monday, February 16, 2009
:)
Feb.14 -- started out pretty gayyy... but i ended up getting to go to the concert with Joseph :)
it was amazing & i had sooooo much fun . couldnt have pictured it anyy better !
its kinda crazy how when i think back , one year from now , as time moved on , it felt like time was passing me by soooooooooo slow... & now that i think about it , it seems like it passed by so quickly .
i guess its true when they say time flies when yer having fun :)
cuz a lot of fun , is definately what im having ! =]
Feb.15 -- didnt do much during the day , then took a trip to West Co. to chill there for the night . ate , watched the all star game , wit the Tungols & Jo0oshwahh . then Tiff , Maii , Juan , Tita , & Mamalou FINALLYYYY got there . after they arrived , we all took a trip to the boba place , they ended up running outta boba. MERRR . lol so we went to Shooters instead :)
that was pretty funnnn . i wanna go with Joseph one weekend to play , & then take pics at CUE! afterrr =]
Today -- nothing much so far... gunna see my boo laterr :) so thats a guaranteed good dayyy today ! =]
-- deuces .
it was amazing & i had sooooo much fun . couldnt have pictured it anyy better !
its kinda crazy how when i think back , one year from now , as time moved on , it felt like time was passing me by soooooooooo slow... & now that i think about it , it seems like it passed by so quickly .
i guess its true when they say time flies when yer having fun :)
cuz a lot of fun , is definately what im having ! =]
Feb.15 -- didnt do much during the day , then took a trip to West Co. to chill there for the night . ate , watched the all star game , wit the Tungols & Jo0oshwahh . then Tiff , Maii , Juan , Tita , & Mamalou FINALLYYYY got there . after they arrived , we all took a trip to the boba place , they ended up running outta boba. MERRR . lol so we went to Shooters instead :)
that was pretty funnnn . i wanna go with Joseph one weekend to play , & then take pics at CUE! afterrr =]
Today -- nothing much so far... gunna see my boo laterr :) so thats a guaranteed good dayyy today ! =]
-- deuces .
Thursday, February 12, 2009
fuck a hypocrite .
i fuckin hate how shit is not okay when i do something , but yet when someone else does they expect me to be okay with it .
i get accused of shit that HE's fuckin doing , & its okay for him to do it but not me ? the fuckkk ?
fuuuuuuuuuuckk thaaaaaaaaat shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit .
things dont work that way , if you can do it , i can do it TOO .
everybody meet MS. ME TOOOOO !
boy, i need you to meet me half way ; if you want me to be with you ...
--deuces .
i get accused of shit that HE's fuckin doing , & its okay for him to do it but not me ? the fuckkk ?
fuuuuuuuuuuckk thaaaaaaaaat shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit .
things dont work that way , if you can do it , i can do it TOO .
everybody meet MS. ME TOOOOO !
boy, i need you to meet me half way ; if you want me to be with you ...
--deuces .
flabbergasted .
this feeling is killing me .
i cant sleep ..
i know im not feeling this way for nothing...
theres gotta be a reason why im feeling so insecure .
its not just a gut feeling.. its the whole meeee .
i may be wrong sometimes when it comes to arguements ...
but my intuitions & feelings are ALWAYS right ..
ughhh . i just wanna know already .
what the fuck dont i know ??
what the fuck hasnt been said ??
what the fuck is going on ?!
what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?!
this sucks . badly .
i swear . i better not be played as a fool ; i know that for sure ..
anyway... since i couldnt sleep , i've been up thinking non stop , so i drew to keep my mind off shit for as long as i could ..
idk wut else im going to do for now ...
but ughh... im just so overwhelmed...
boyy , ohhh boyy ... i think i feel a storm up ahead ; if ya know wut i mean ...
on a side note.. here's tonight's drawinggg .
--deuces .
i cant sleep ..
i know im not feeling this way for nothing...
theres gotta be a reason why im feeling so insecure .
its not just a gut feeling.. its the whole meeee .
i may be wrong sometimes when it comes to arguements ...
but my intuitions & feelings are ALWAYS right ..
ughhh . i just wanna know already .
what the fuck dont i know ??
what the fuck hasnt been said ??
what the fuck is going on ?!
what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?! what is it ?!
this sucks . badly .
i swear . i better not be played as a fool ; i know that for sure ..
anyway... since i couldnt sleep , i've been up thinking non stop , so i drew to keep my mind off shit for as long as i could ..
idk wut else im going to do for now ...
but ughh... im just so overwhelmed...
boyy , ohhh boyy ... i think i feel a storm up ahead ; if ya know wut i mean ...
on a side note.. here's tonight's drawinggg .
--deuces .
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
hmm...
pretty interesting day...
started off pretty smoothly... then hit a lil speed bump.. then we rode it out pretty nicely..
had fun at the park for a few hours
then went to the store =] haha .
i had alot of fun today...
he has his scrunchies back on... BUT..
something's missing, somethings wrong... something doesnt feel right..
idk wut it is... its gotta be something tho.. or else i wouldnt feel like this.
cuz im psychic. i ALWAYS find out everyyyyything. may not be now, tomorrow, or later. but it'll come..
time reveals EVERYTHING ...
--deuces .
started off pretty smoothly... then hit a lil speed bump.. then we rode it out pretty nicely..
had fun at the park for a few hours
then went to the store =] haha .
i had alot of fun today...
he has his scrunchies back on... BUT..
something's missing, somethings wrong... something doesnt feel right..
idk wut it is... its gotta be something tho.. or else i wouldnt feel like this.
cuz im psychic. i ALWAYS find out everyyyyything. may not be now, tomorrow, or later. but it'll come..
time reveals EVERYTHING ...
--deuces .
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
insomnia .
got off the phone early wit joseph tonight cuz he didnt bring his phone charger to his cousin's house .
but we talked for a couple hours , so im glad :) .
on a side note .. he use to constantly tell me he loves me . now its pretty rare to hear him tell me .
are we moving backwards or forwards ? hmm...
i'll put that thought on hold ..
talked to bootrryy for a lil while wen he came home from work , then he went to sleep shortly after .
its been a while since we've chopped it uppp . hopefully we get to soon though .
but still , P&B forever & a daaayyy :]
still couldnt go to sleep , so i decided to watch Marley & Me .
i just finished it & boyyyy ohhh boyy ...
if yer a dog lover , it'll for sure bring a few tears to yer eyes .
alrighty , time to kill the rest of this water bottle , & off to sleep town i gooooo .
finaaaallly , right ?
--deuces .
but we talked for a couple hours , so im glad :) .
on a side note .. he use to constantly tell me he loves me . now its pretty rare to hear him tell me .
are we moving backwards or forwards ? hmm...
i'll put that thought on hold ..
talked to bootrryy for a lil while wen he came home from work , then he went to sleep shortly after .
its been a while since we've chopped it uppp . hopefully we get to soon though .
but still , P&B forever & a daaayyy :]
still couldnt go to sleep , so i decided to watch Marley & Me .
i just finished it & boyyyy ohhh boyy ...
if yer a dog lover , it'll for sure bring a few tears to yer eyes .
alrighty , time to kill the rest of this water bottle , & off to sleep town i gooooo .
finaaaallly , right ?
--deuces .
Sunday, February 8, 2009
the weekend .
friday was pretty koo .
joseph & i didnt do much , but i still had a good time just kickin back , chillin alllllll daaayyy even tho i aint paid . lol
saturday he took me to the beach with BiGG BiGG , even tho it was cold as shat !
me & BiGG sat on the rocks while we both watched joseph search for starfish in the water . =)
mine was orange , & his was brown...
after , we went to petco to see if we could find any cute clothes for BiGG to wear , but had no luck ..
once we got home , we dried out the 2 starfish with the blow dryers for what seemed to be forrrreeevvverrrr , but as soon as we finished , they both came out looking really pretty !
well... joseph's ended up getting soggy for some reason.. merr? idk why tho .
but on the bright side , mine turned out dopeee .
so after all that , we went to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button .
goooood movie , BUT wack ass ending . smh . i still think it was worth the 3 hours tho .
after a looooooooong day/night we finally got home, but couldnt fall asleep cuz we were itchy as fuckkk !
todaaayy , BiGG FINAAAALLYYYY got groomed.. his skin is alot better, but hes been sleeping like the whole dayyy.. lol
joseph & i spent most the day drawing & listening to music .
then ry, ateh, & jay came over til they had to leave to pick up uncle cesar & tita bing from the airport .
& of course, as i thought , joseph & i ended up fighting like ALWAYS .
smh . no matter WHAT or how good we do , we always seem to end up fighting about somethinggggg . ugh .
whatever . im not gunna even stress it anymore , & im not gunna put anymore energy into this fighting bullshit .
i dont have time to be dwelling on small shit .
cry me a river , build a bridge , & GET OVER iT . im not fighting over dumb shit anymore .
--deuces.
joseph & i didnt do much , but i still had a good time just kickin back , chillin alllllll daaayyy even tho i aint paid . lol
saturday he took me to the beach with BiGG BiGG , even tho it was cold as shat !
me & BiGG sat on the rocks while we both watched joseph search for starfish in the water . =)
mine was orange , & his was brown...
after , we went to petco to see if we could find any cute clothes for BiGG to wear , but had no luck ..
once we got home , we dried out the 2 starfish with the blow dryers for what seemed to be forrrreeevvverrrr , but as soon as we finished , they both came out looking really pretty !
well... joseph's ended up getting soggy for some reason.. merr? idk why tho .
but on the bright side , mine turned out dopeee .
so after all that , we went to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button .
goooood movie , BUT wack ass ending . smh . i still think it was worth the 3 hours tho .
after a looooooooong day/night we finally got home, but couldnt fall asleep cuz we were itchy as fuckkk !
todaaayy , BiGG FINAAAALLYYYY got groomed.. his skin is alot better, but hes been sleeping like the whole dayyy.. lol
joseph & i spent most the day drawing & listening to music .
then ry, ateh, & jay came over til they had to leave to pick up uncle cesar & tita bing from the airport .
& of course, as i thought , joseph & i ended up fighting like ALWAYS .
smh . no matter WHAT or how good we do , we always seem to end up fighting about somethinggggg . ugh .
whatever . im not gunna even stress it anymore , & im not gunna put anymore energy into this fighting bullshit .
i dont have time to be dwelling on small shit .
cry me a river , build a bridge , & GET OVER iT . im not fighting over dumb shit anymore .
--deuces.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
some people think love is foolish , while others think its a game
but i think that love is a fire , & im burnin up in your flames .. <3
anyway . just thought i'd put this throwback up cuz i dont have any fresh bars at the moment & im too lazy to keystyle .
[ i've decided to resign from speakin' my mind , //
so i put it in lyrics to express it through rhymes . //
it sort of caught me off guard by the way things turned out , //
time has finally revealed to me what yer all about . //
i thought things would be different , you had my hopes up high , //
but it just comes to show , yer just like those other guys . //
you said you were different , said that there werent any others ; just me & you //
i know you tried to hide it , & expect me to believe all that were true . //
but listen nigga , im through . //
through with the lies , the games , i dont need yer excuse //
cuz nows the time for me to chuck up that DEUCE . //
so go on & be a savage cuz them bitches you fucks wit is average ; they'll never be me //
dont worry , i aint trippin , theres plenty dick in the sea . // haha
its funny how you thought you could be smarter , & that i'd never find out //
i shudda listened to all the homies when they all had their doubts . //
but i trusted you , loved you , did all i can to make things work //
& in return , you did me dirty & put me through this hurt . //
so now its time for me to leave this relationSHIT behind , //
& although u did me grimey , that shit dont phase me , cuz you cant knock my grind . // ]
ok , so now that thats through , on to the "blogging" .
hmm.. tomorrow is fridayy ! yeeeee !
fingers crossed for a good weekend up ahead .
so far , how far i've fallen , i feel like its actually crampin' my swagg . dengg .
i have nothing to lose tho . so im still makin moves .
that nigga's brain is so ludacris , when i "uhhhh" , i call it release therapy . you feeeeel me..?
ADDiCTiON . mmmm... cant wait til tomorrow !
i think thats all for the mean time .
--deuces.
anyway . just thought i'd put this throwback up cuz i dont have any fresh bars at the moment & im too lazy to keystyle .
[ i've decided to resign from speakin' my mind , //
so i put it in lyrics to express it through rhymes . //
it sort of caught me off guard by the way things turned out , //
time has finally revealed to me what yer all about . //
i thought things would be different , you had my hopes up high , //
but it just comes to show , yer just like those other guys . //
you said you were different , said that there werent any others ; just me & you //
i know you tried to hide it , & expect me to believe all that were true . //
but listen nigga , im through . //
through with the lies , the games , i dont need yer excuse //
cuz nows the time for me to chuck up that DEUCE . //
so go on & be a savage cuz them bitches you fucks wit is average ; they'll never be me //
dont worry , i aint trippin , theres plenty dick in the sea . // haha
its funny how you thought you could be smarter , & that i'd never find out //
i shudda listened to all the homies when they all had their doubts . //
but i trusted you , loved you , did all i can to make things work //
& in return , you did me dirty & put me through this hurt . //
so now its time for me to leave this relationSHIT behind , //
& although u did me grimey , that shit dont phase me , cuz you cant knock my grind . // ]
ok , so now that thats through , on to the "blogging" .
hmm.. tomorrow is fridayy ! yeeeee !
fingers crossed for a good weekend up ahead .
so far , how far i've fallen , i feel like its actually crampin' my swagg . dengg .
i have nothing to lose tho . so im still makin moves .
that nigga's brain is so ludacris , when i "uhhhh" , i call it release therapy . you feeeeel me..?
ADDiCTiON . mmmm... cant wait til tomorrow !
i think thats all for the mean time .
--deuces.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
bored .
im bored with my life .
feels like theres so much to do in so little time .
something new needs to happen .
superbowl sunday was pretty fun although it could have been better..
none the less , im glad that the steelers scored that touch down with the last 35 seconds left in the game .
so far , this week has been breezing on by with no problems ..
valentine's day is coming up , it lands on a saturday ; best of all days ..
but yet , i have no valentine .. well , i do , but im not going to even be spending the day with him .
isnt the point of Valentine's day supposed to mean you spend the day with your "valentine" ??
whats the point in having one if yer not gunna spend it wit that person ?
ugh . i dont even know anymore .
i feel like im torn in half & i dont know which way to go ..
cuz im damned if i do , & im damned if i dont . so im fucked either way .
& i know whatever decision i choose , it'll wreck my brain for a cool ass minute & i'll eventually get over it , but im just so tired of constantly having to "get over it" .
i've made my mistakes in the past , but quickly & thoroughly , i made the changes necessary in order for things to go right .
when is it my turn for someone to do the same ?
is it because my expectations are too high..? honestly i dont even think i ask for much ..
right now , i feel like i wanna just get awayyy from everything .
a chance to forget about whats going on in my life . forget about school , family , friends , emotions , & definately feelings .
just take me to a place where no one knows me , wont indulge in my past ; fuck what happened before .
to give someone a chance ... a chance to get to know the REAL me .. not the one who is concerned about every move she makes , or who constantly has her guard up .
i miss the old me .. why do i feel like no one appreciates me ?
the world doesnt revolve around me . but sometimes i feel like even my real friends take me for granted .
ok .. this is blog is getting way too emo . i think thats a sign to end it here .
my emo streaks only lead me to anger . i dont make very good decisions based on anger .
--deuces .
feels like theres so much to do in so little time .
something new needs to happen .
superbowl sunday was pretty fun although it could have been better..
none the less , im glad that the steelers scored that touch down with the last 35 seconds left in the game .
so far , this week has been breezing on by with no problems ..
valentine's day is coming up , it lands on a saturday ; best of all days ..
but yet , i have no valentine .. well , i do , but im not going to even be spending the day with him .
isnt the point of Valentine's day supposed to mean you spend the day with your "valentine" ??
whats the point in having one if yer not gunna spend it wit that person ?
ugh . i dont even know anymore .
i feel like im torn in half & i dont know which way to go ..
cuz im damned if i do , & im damned if i dont . so im fucked either way .
& i know whatever decision i choose , it'll wreck my brain for a cool ass minute & i'll eventually get over it , but im just so tired of constantly having to "get over it" .
i've made my mistakes in the past , but quickly & thoroughly , i made the changes necessary in order for things to go right .
when is it my turn for someone to do the same ?
is it because my expectations are too high..? honestly i dont even think i ask for much ..
right now , i feel like i wanna just get awayyy from everything .
a chance to forget about whats going on in my life . forget about school , family , friends , emotions , & definately feelings .
just take me to a place where no one knows me , wont indulge in my past ; fuck what happened before .
to give someone a chance ... a chance to get to know the REAL me .. not the one who is concerned about every move she makes , or who constantly has her guard up .
i miss the old me .. why do i feel like no one appreciates me ?
the world doesnt revolve around me . but sometimes i feel like even my real friends take me for granted .
ok .. this is blog is getting way too emo . i think thats a sign to end it here .
my emo streaks only lead me to anger . i dont make very good decisions based on anger .
--deuces .
Sunday, February 1, 2009
STiLL chasing pavements...?
seems like it...
things are changing ; fast .
"if you wanna leave, i wont beg you to stay. // & if you gotta go, maybe its better that way. //
just walk out that door & see if i care. // but dont turn around, // cuz yer gunna see my heart breaking."
now back on track .
last night's birthday dinner for ateh's 24th bday went pretty well. i didnt eat as much as i planned, but i guess, in the end, thats a good thing lol.
after the dinner, Ry & I picked up Joseph & Carlos(?) . i think thats his name... nehh. -_-
we didnt really do much, just killed time; but i wouldnt have had it any other wayyy.
time doing nothing with joseph is better than time doing something with anyone else. =) <3
randomly, i met "Bowser" for the first time. that was pretty koo. hes a cutie!
but anyway.. for all the unanswered questions, & ponders...
my status: pending...
sooo, i'll leave this subject for another day , another bloggggg .
havent seen the Long Beach StreetFam in a while.. i miss you guys.
hopefully i'll see you all soon. WOW niggaaaa! WOW!! hahahaha
still deciding on Thizznyland for later this month. we'll see how that turns out..
so many flakers in need of head & shoulders ; you feel me ?
baaaahhhh... so much to write about, i dont even know where to begin.
its been a while since i've really chopped it up on here . so i guess today's a good day to lay it all out & get it off my chest .
not that i dont have room on it .. *wink wink* LMFAO jk.
ok ok, serious....
things are still a bit fucked up... but we're making progress.. i think. we've been way worse, so right now, we're on easy streets..
[ wanna take it back to the day when we first met, if i could, i'd start all over again.. our love is my regret.
should've known then, what i know now. dying every second that yer not around.. ]
im in a writing type of moooood. "ARE Y0U iN THAT M00D YET?!" --hahahah yes i am!!
before, it was always a hit & miss type of thing wit me & joseph.. we'd have a good day, then a bad day, on & off type shit..
we get along alot better now, than we did before. i mean.. we've had one fight since then, but friday's fight wasnt even really that serious. to me at least.. gah.. idk.
im trying my hardest to avoid getting into petty fuken fights with his ass, so i've been listening to the simple things hes been wanting me to do, & i havent bitched about every little thing that bothers me. its not a problem wit me. im just hoping he doesnt take advantage & start thinking im not gunna act upon the shit that i dont like.
this new me, has been going smoothly. but once he makes me feel like im a fool, im definately dippin out.
cuz dont get me wrong, i love him & everything, but if hes not willing to put in the effort like how he did before, then fuck it.
it'll hurt me, & it'll hurt to move on, but i'll eventually get there no doubt, & im sure theres plenty others i'll get to choose from if he doesnt want it.
but im putting in effort with him that i wouldnt just do for anyone.. i hope he sees that.
anyway.. i can write all fucken day bout this situation... but im not gunna sit there & do that.. cuz the more i think about it, the more impatient & i get, & the more mad i get about it. ugh. so what-the-fuck-everrr !
we fucken act like we're together, & do everything as if we're together, BUT WE'RE NOT !! SO WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
how long is this gunna keep going?!?! EITHER WE'RE TOGETHER OR NOT!!! GODAMNIT !! WTF!! UGH!!
ok.. im get too mad. thats enuff. small case of tourettes right there. lol
so for the last of it... i'll end wit a couple bars..
[ lately.. i wish i could knww the thoughts of your mind. //
cuz lately... its as if you only want me sometimes... //
my insecurity is taking over me.. i need to know where we stand.. //
is this a symptom of us falling out of love..?? what happened to the romance..? //
i thought i was yer only one? i came second to none. //
i wish i didnt love you so much sometimes.. //
then i wouldnt be so mad about what i thought we HAD..//
i wish i didnt love you so much sometimes.. // ]
[ i see the couples all walkin by, feel like i dont wanna be alone today.. //
so glad no one can see what i hide deep inside, & how it feels to be //
the girl who never gets the right guy, tell me why..? when theres so much i've got to give. //
i wake up reachin out, in the night, ready to hold him tight til i realize.. that nobody is there.. //
i know that i am worthy of what i've been wishing for, i cant wait no more.. //
but its no where to be found... //
when will it be me..? when will i be the one somebody's dreaming of..? //
when's it gunna be..? when will i find my heart lying inside the arms that never lets me go..? //
i'd really like to know.. when will it be me..? // ]
..i need you to meet me half way.. if you want me to be with you.
--deuces .
things are changing ; fast .
"if you wanna leave, i wont beg you to stay. // & if you gotta go, maybe its better that way. //
just walk out that door & see if i care. // but dont turn around, // cuz yer gunna see my heart breaking."
now back on track .
last night's birthday dinner for ateh's 24th bday went pretty well. i didnt eat as much as i planned, but i guess, in the end, thats a good thing lol.
after the dinner, Ry & I picked up Joseph & Carlos(?) . i think thats his name... nehh. -_-
we didnt really do much, just killed time; but i wouldnt have had it any other wayyy.
time doing nothing with joseph is better than time doing something with anyone else. =) <3
randomly, i met "Bowser" for the first time. that was pretty koo. hes a cutie!
but anyway.. for all the unanswered questions, & ponders...
my status: pending...
sooo, i'll leave this subject for another day , another bloggggg .
havent seen the Long Beach StreetFam in a while.. i miss you guys.
hopefully i'll see you all soon. WOW niggaaaa! WOW!! hahahaha
still deciding on Thizznyland for later this month. we'll see how that turns out..
so many flakers in need of head & shoulders ; you feel me ?
baaaahhhh... so much to write about, i dont even know where to begin.
its been a while since i've really chopped it up on here . so i guess today's a good day to lay it all out & get it off my chest .
not that i dont have room on it .. *wink wink* LMFAO jk.
ok ok, serious....
things are still a bit fucked up... but we're making progress.. i think. we've been way worse, so right now, we're on easy streets..
[ wanna take it back to the day when we first met, if i could, i'd start all over again.. our love is my regret.
should've known then, what i know now. dying every second that yer not around.. ]
im in a writing type of moooood. "ARE Y0U iN THAT M00D YET?!" --hahahah yes i am!!
before, it was always a hit & miss type of thing wit me & joseph.. we'd have a good day, then a bad day, on & off type shit..
we get along alot better now, than we did before. i mean.. we've had one fight since then, but friday's fight wasnt even really that serious. to me at least.. gah.. idk.
im trying my hardest to avoid getting into petty fuken fights with his ass, so i've been listening to the simple things hes been wanting me to do, & i havent bitched about every little thing that bothers me. its not a problem wit me. im just hoping he doesnt take advantage & start thinking im not gunna act upon the shit that i dont like.
this new me, has been going smoothly. but once he makes me feel like im a fool, im definately dippin out.
cuz dont get me wrong, i love him & everything, but if hes not willing to put in the effort like how he did before, then fuck it.
it'll hurt me, & it'll hurt to move on, but i'll eventually get there no doubt, & im sure theres plenty others i'll get to choose from if he doesnt want it.
but im putting in effort with him that i wouldnt just do for anyone.. i hope he sees that.
anyway.. i can write all fucken day bout this situation... but im not gunna sit there & do that.. cuz the more i think about it, the more impatient & i get, & the more mad i get about it. ugh. so what-the-fuck-everrr !
we fucken act like we're together, & do everything as if we're together, BUT WE'RE NOT !! SO WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
how long is this gunna keep going?!?! EITHER WE'RE TOGETHER OR NOT!!! GODAMNIT !! WTF!! UGH!!
ok.. im get too mad. thats enuff. small case of tourettes right there. lol
so for the last of it... i'll end wit a couple bars..
[ lately.. i wish i could knww the thoughts of your mind. //
cuz lately... its as if you only want me sometimes... //
my insecurity is taking over me.. i need to know where we stand.. //
is this a symptom of us falling out of love..?? what happened to the romance..? //
i thought i was yer only one? i came second to none. //
i wish i didnt love you so much sometimes.. //
then i wouldnt be so mad about what i thought we HAD..//
i wish i didnt love you so much sometimes.. // ]
[ i see the couples all walkin by, feel like i dont wanna be alone today.. //
so glad no one can see what i hide deep inside, & how it feels to be //
the girl who never gets the right guy, tell me why..? when theres so much i've got to give. //
i wake up reachin out, in the night, ready to hold him tight til i realize.. that nobody is there.. //
i know that i am worthy of what i've been wishing for, i cant wait no more.. //
but its no where to be found... //
when will it be me..? when will i be the one somebody's dreaming of..? //
when's it gunna be..? when will i find my heart lying inside the arms that never lets me go..? //
i'd really like to know.. when will it be me..? // ]
..i need you to meet me half way.. if you want me to be with you.
--deuces .
Thursday, January 29, 2009
trust .
me , myself , & i ; thats all i got in the end .
` can neverrr fully trust NO ONE but YOURSELF .
` theres always SOMETHiNG thats being kept from you . bottom line .
` no matter what anyone says or promises , i can never be too sure or let my guard down .
` we all know what happened last time i let that happen .
` trust NO nigga , fear NO bitch .
` you act like a bitch , you get treated like one .
` theres no such thing as "TRUE LOVE" ; quit searching , you're lying to yourself .
` EASY COME , EASY GO .
-- deuce .
` can neverrr fully trust NO ONE but YOURSELF .
` theres always SOMETHiNG thats being kept from you . bottom line .
` no matter what anyone says or promises , i can never be too sure or let my guard down .
` we all know what happened last time i let that happen .
` trust NO nigga , fear NO bitch .
` you act like a bitch , you get treated like one .
` theres no such thing as "TRUE LOVE" ; quit searching , you're lying to yourself .
` EASY COME , EASY GO .
-- deuce .
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
i just wanna press rewind ..
Think and thin, rain or shine , I had your best interest .
Even in the hard times we had hugs and kisses .
Now somewhere along the lines, you started acting different .
I never saw it comin , how could i predict it ?
Lets press pause for a second , why you actin so reckless ?
yer actin like i expected for us to fall out of love .
no relationship skips , lets go back to the beginning ,
lets put this in reverse , gotta make it work ..
lets put the past behind , its time to press rewind .
I couldnt change it , cause i didnt notice ,
i couldnt make it better if you didnt show it .
you used to talk to me , but now you just ignore it .
ignoring is not the thing to do so lets rewind .
take me back to the exact point where i went wrong .
put all this behind , & lets just fucking REWiND .
Even in the hard times we had hugs and kisses .
Now somewhere along the lines, you started acting different .
I never saw it comin , how could i predict it ?
Lets press pause for a second , why you actin so reckless ?
yer actin like i expected for us to fall out of love .
no relationship skips , lets go back to the beginning ,
lets put this in reverse , gotta make it work ..
lets put the past behind , its time to press rewind .
I couldnt change it , cause i didnt notice ,
i couldnt make it better if you didnt show it .
you used to talk to me , but now you just ignore it .
ignoring is not the thing to do so lets rewind .
take me back to the exact point where i went wrong .
put all this behind , & lets just fucking REWiND .
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
"take me to the store" =)
what a surprise todayyy was..!
i love how i had nothing planned for today, but ended up turning out pretty good..
started off calling joseph in the morning & talkin for a few hours on the phone as soon as i got to mamalous,
hung up, took a nap, called him again, & next thing you know we're chillin at the mall wit Maii & Art ! lol
everything about today was pretty koo... even when i took him to the store. LOL ! =)
no drama, no fighting, nothing but positivityyy .
well... everything was alll good up until the second he stepped outta the car...
thats when i started missin him already & got a call from ateh jessica with her crying about another fight that went on at mamalou's.. something always bad has to happen after having such a bomb ass day.
its very rare for the family to be together as a whole. why must SOMEONE alwayyyyssss feel the need to start shit during those times ?
smh. its sad enough that the family is only together on holidays or wenever mamalou becomes very sick..
im scared to find out how the family really turns out wen mamalou is no longer here to be our glue..
i guess thats all for the night..
although i feel like we've started from the beginning, theres still alot of things i gotta take into consideration & alot of things i gotta think about . especially with that extra variable taking into play... if ya know wut i mean.
but ohhh well... we're both in the same boat, doin the same things, thinkin the same thing, & i know we're feelin the same things too . but if so , why is it so hard still ?
decisions decisions decisions...
things are never gunna be the same.
i haaaaaaaaaatttteeeeee this part right heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrreeeeeee ...
i love how i had nothing planned for today, but ended up turning out pretty good..
started off calling joseph in the morning & talkin for a few hours on the phone as soon as i got to mamalous,
hung up, took a nap, called him again, & next thing you know we're chillin at the mall wit Maii & Art ! lol
everything about today was pretty koo... even when i took him to the store. LOL ! =)
no drama, no fighting, nothing but positivityyy .
well... everything was alll good up until the second he stepped outta the car...
thats when i started missin him already & got a call from ateh jessica with her crying about another fight that went on at mamalou's.. something always bad has to happen after having such a bomb ass day.
its very rare for the family to be together as a whole. why must SOMEONE alwayyyyssss feel the need to start shit during those times ?
smh. its sad enough that the family is only together on holidays or wenever mamalou becomes very sick..
im scared to find out how the family really turns out wen mamalou is no longer here to be our glue..
i guess thats all for the night..
although i feel like we've started from the beginning, theres still alot of things i gotta take into consideration & alot of things i gotta think about . especially with that extra variable taking into play... if ya know wut i mean.
but ohhh well... we're both in the same boat, doin the same things, thinkin the same thing, & i know we're feelin the same things too . but if so , why is it so hard still ?
decisions decisions decisions...
things are never gunna be the same.
i haaaaaaaaaatttteeeeee this part right heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrreeeeeee ...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
i stayed & waited patiently , only to find im OVER iT
life is fuken great .
i couldnt ask for better .
i'll admit , though things are starting to look up , the single life can be a bit lonley even though it hasnt been that long .
but , on the brighter side , i know i'll always have my true friends throughout everything .
im livin' the goooood life . for nowww ..
i couldnt ask for better .
i'll admit , though things are starting to look up , the single life can be a bit lonley even though it hasnt been that long .
but , on the brighter side , i know i'll always have my true friends throughout everything .
im livin' the goooood life . for nowww ..
Friday, January 16, 2009
too early .
its too early to be up on my day off .
movies wit WiFE B, Karla, & Josh was pretty fun :)
we spent like our whole lives at Urban Outfitters laughing our asses off at the crazy fuken books they have at the store.
hahah, then off to starbucks we wenttttt.
tea for mee ! haha .
then finally THE UNBORN . omg, i was scared .
at least it didnt have a stupid ending . it was better than i expected .
now lunch wit Richard at 12 ! wooo! =]
movies wit WiFE B, Karla, & Josh was pretty fun :)
we spent like our whole lives at Urban Outfitters laughing our asses off at the crazy fuken books they have at the store.
hahah, then off to starbucks we wenttttt.
tea for mee ! haha .
then finally THE UNBORN . omg, i was scared .
at least it didnt have a stupid ending . it was better than i expected .
now lunch wit Richard at 12 ! wooo! =]
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
hopeful
today was a pretty nice day .
weather wasnt tooooo hot .
gave my speech today, turned out better than i thought it was gunna beeee.
not fights, all nice talks wit joseph :)
gee is finally 21 as of yesterdayyy :)
caught up wit WiFE B these past couple days & im glad we're back on good terms. i missed my funny buddy :)
anywayy.. work til thursdaayy.. but i gotta get that moneeeyyy ! then possibly movies with WiFE B ?
fridayyy is a Lauren & Richard day ! woohoo ! im excited for that !
weather wasnt tooooo hot .
gave my speech today, turned out better than i thought it was gunna beeee.
not fights, all nice talks wit joseph :)
gee is finally 21 as of yesterdayyy :)
caught up wit WiFE B these past couple days & im glad we're back on good terms. i missed my funny buddy :)
anywayy.. work til thursdaayy.. but i gotta get that moneeeyyy ! then possibly movies with WiFE B ?
fridayyy is a Lauren & Richard day ! woohoo ! im excited for that !
Monday, January 12, 2009
a new perspective .
all i gotta say is that theres no more turning back from here .
no more running around in circles .
i should know better .
& i do now .
no more running around in circles .
i should know better .
& i do now .
Sunday, January 11, 2009
weekend .
had an unexpected, but fun weekend :]
i find that things always turn out best when its not planned .
im gunna take that as a hint ...
thats all for now .
i find that things always turn out best when its not planned .
im gunna take that as a hint ...
thats all for now .
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Should i give up? or should i just keep chasing pavements even if it leads no where..?
finally spoke to joseph today.
nothing positive came out of it. not a big surprise there though.
i hate how being a girl comes with having so many emotions.
now a days, i find that things that i should be conerned about, i hardly pay attention to,
& things i shouldnt be worried about, get the best of me.
it seems like the more cautious i am about some of my decisions, the more i seem to fuck up even more.
im feeling like i've come to a dead end,
& i honestly am too tired & afraid to turn back & face the problems i have created & come accross.
regardless, whats been done is done & i cant turn back the hands of time.
the persuit of happiness is a long & bumpy road..
but.. imah keep on truckin'...
nothing positive came out of it. not a big surprise there though.
i hate how being a girl comes with having so many emotions.
now a days, i find that things that i should be conerned about, i hardly pay attention to,
& things i shouldnt be worried about, get the best of me.
it seems like the more cautious i am about some of my decisions, the more i seem to fuck up even more.
im feeling like i've come to a dead end,
& i honestly am too tired & afraid to turn back & face the problems i have created & come accross.
regardless, whats been done is done & i cant turn back the hands of time.
the persuit of happiness is a long & bumpy road..
but.. imah keep on truckin'...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
FRESH .
i deleted all my previous posts because most of them are negative, bad, memories.
therefore, i'd rather not look back on them. its the past for a reason, & im just tryna enjoy what the present has given me so far.
anywayyyy.. so its been about 4 days or so since i've spoken to joseph at all.
i see that hes read my messages on myspace, but never put the effort into replying.
i honestly was going to try & working things out with him & was willing to come to a compromise.
guess he has other things in mind. i must admit, he almosttttt had me for a second there..
i gave in, i almost gave myself away, & i almostttt let my guard down. but, you know what they sayy.. almost doesnt count.
so i guess im thankful, its ended where it has. i'll be honest & say that i do still care, & im not too happy how things turned out;
especially since we didnt even get to talk things out. but though i havent heard one word from him, he's made his point loud & clear. i just want what he wants, because im tired of disagreeing.
as for me, time heals everything eventually. right..?
so, as time passes, i just need to focus on myself & school.
this was just another example of how guys constantly come & go.
it was great while it lasted though.
chuckin' the deuce !
therefore, i'd rather not look back on them. its the past for a reason, & im just tryna enjoy what the present has given me so far.
anywayyyy.. so its been about 4 days or so since i've spoken to joseph at all.
i see that hes read my messages on myspace, but never put the effort into replying.
i honestly was going to try & working things out with him & was willing to come to a compromise.
guess he has other things in mind. i must admit, he almosttttt had me for a second there..
i gave in, i almost gave myself away, & i almostttt let my guard down. but, you know what they sayy.. almost doesnt count.
so i guess im thankful, its ended where it has. i'll be honest & say that i do still care, & im not too happy how things turned out;
especially since we didnt even get to talk things out. but though i havent heard one word from him, he's made his point loud & clear. i just want what he wants, because im tired of disagreeing.
as for me, time heals everything eventually. right..?
so, as time passes, i just need to focus on myself & school.
this was just another example of how guys constantly come & go.
it was great while it lasted though.
chuckin' the deuce !
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