STiLL chasing pavements...?

seems like it...
things are changing ; fast .

"if you wanna leave, i wont beg you to stay. // & if you gotta go, maybe its better that way. //
just walk out that door & see if i care. // but dont turn around, // cuz yer gunna see my heart breaking."

now back on track .
last night's birthday dinner for ateh's 24th bday went pretty well. i didnt eat as much as i planned, but i guess, in the end, thats a good thing lol.

after the dinner, Ry & I picked up Joseph & Carlos(?) . i think thats his name... nehh. -_-
we didnt really do much, just killed time; but i wouldnt have had it any other wayyy.
time doing nothing with joseph is better than time doing something with anyone else. =) <3
randomly, i met "Bowser" for the first time. that was pretty koo. hes a cutie!
but anyway.. for all the unanswered questions, & ponders...
my status: pending...
sooo, i'll leave this subject for another day , another bloggggg .

havent seen the Long Beach StreetFam in a while.. i miss you guys.
hopefully i'll see you all soon. WOW niggaaaa! WOW!! hahahaha

still deciding on Thizznyland for later this month. we'll see how that turns out..
so many flakers in need of head & shoulders ; you feel me ?

baaaahhhh... so much to write about, i dont even know where to begin.
its been a while since i've really chopped it up on here . so i guess today's a good day to lay it all out & get it off my chest .
not that i dont have room on it .. *wink wink* LMFAO jk.
ok ok, serious....

things are still a bit fucked up... but we're making progress.. i think. we've been way worse, so right now, we're on easy streets..
[ wanna take it back to the day when we first met, if i could, i'd start all over again.. our love is my regret.
should've known then, what i know now. dying every second that yer not around.. ]
im in a writing type of moooood. "ARE Y0U iN THAT M00D YET?!" --hahahah yes i am!!
before, it was always a hit & miss type of thing wit me & joseph.. we'd have a good day, then a bad day, on & off type shit..
we get along alot better now, than we did before. i mean.. we've had one fight since then, but friday's fight wasnt even really that serious. to me at least.. gah.. idk.
im trying my hardest to avoid getting into petty fuken fights with his ass, so i've been listening to the simple things hes been wanting me to do, & i havent bitched about every little thing that bothers me. its not a problem wit me. im just hoping he doesnt take advantage & start thinking im not gunna act upon the shit that i dont like.
this new me, has been going smoothly. but once he makes me feel like im a fool, im definately dippin out.
cuz dont get me wrong, i love him & everything, but if hes not willing to put in the effort like how he did before, then fuck it.
it'll hurt me, & it'll hurt to move on, but i'll eventually get there no doubt, & im sure theres plenty others i'll get to choose from if he doesnt want it.
but im putting in effort with him that i wouldnt just do for anyone.. i hope he sees that.
anyway.. i can write all fucken day bout this situation... but im not gunna sit there & do that.. cuz the more i think about it, the more impatient & i get, & the more mad i get about it. ugh. so what-the-fuck-everrr !
we fucken act like we're together, & do everything as if we're together, BUT WE'RE NOT !! SO WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
how long is this gunna keep going?!?! EITHER WE'RE TOGETHER OR NOT!!! GODAMNIT !! WTF!! UGH!!
ok.. im get too mad. thats enuff. small case of tourettes right there. lol

so for the last of it... i'll end wit a couple bars..

[ lately.. i wish i could knww the thoughts of your mind. //
cuz lately... its as if you only want me sometimes... //
my insecurity is taking over me.. i need to know where we stand.. //
is this a symptom of us falling out of love..?? what happened to the romance..? //
i thought i was yer only one? i came second to none. //
i wish i didnt love you so much sometimes.. //
then i wouldnt be so mad about what i thought we HAD..//
i wish i didnt love you so much sometimes.. // ]

[ i see the couples all walkin by, feel like i dont wanna be alone today.. //
so glad no one can see what i hide deep inside, & how it feels to be //
the girl who never gets the right guy, tell me why..? when theres so much i've got to give. //
i wake up reachin out, in the night, ready to hold him tight til i realize.. that nobody is there.. //
i know that i am worthy of what i've been wishing for, i cant wait no more.. //
but its no where to be found... //
when will it be me..? when will i be the one somebody's dreaming of..? //
when's it gunna be..? when will i find my heart lying inside the arms that never lets me go..? //
i'd really like to know.. when will it be me..? // ]


..i need you to meet me half way.. if you want me to be with you.

--deuces .